Farzy Warzy

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2010-04-18T16:00:00.004+09:00

ATTENTION:

I'm gonna privatize my blog soon. Friends, please re-link me at
http://farzytales.tumblr.com

Soo Complicated

2010-04-02T14:00:00.002+09:00

Current Mood: [confused]

It’s funny how you love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on. And when you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same again. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it... Complicated, too complicated~

I guess someday I don't even need to try to block things out
anymore, the exhaustion will do it fer me... =)

Stop Missing You

2010-03-31T17:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [jaded]

Hidup Hari Ini

2010-03-15T14:00:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [optimistic]

~....Aku Hanya Akan Hidup Hari Ini....~

Wahai masa lalu yang sudah berlalu dan selesai, tenggelamlah kamu seperti tenggelamnya matahari. Aku tidak akan menangisi pemergianmu, dan kamu tidak akan melihatku termenung sebentar pun untuk mengingatimu. Kamu sudah meninggalkan kami semua, pergilah dan jangan kembali lagi...

Wahai masa depan, engkau masih dalam keghaiban. Maka aku tidak akan bermain dangan khayalan dan memperjudikan nasib dangan hanya satu agakan. Aku juga tidak bakal memburu sesuatu yang belum tentu ada, sebab esok hari mungkin tidak ada sesuatu; esok hari adalah sesuatu yang belum diciptakan dan tidak ada satu pun darinya yang dapat disebutkan -La Tahzan oleh Dr. Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni.

Ayim's Birthday Chalet

2010-02-18T17:00:00.004+09:00

Current Mood: [fondle]

Yesterday was Ayim's Birthday. Uh-huh, we are still contacting each other as friends. He invited me to come down to his chalet at downtown east. In fact, I actually accompanied him to fairprice to get some food and drinks before we prepare for the BBQ. He spoiled me with a lot of food as always. The reason why I gained so much weight when I was in a relationship with him back then.. Lolx.

Ayim's Birthday @ Costa Sands Resort

That was taken before his chalet was packed with his NS friends and all... I spent the day eating a packet of chicken rice, fried kuay teow, a few snacks, donuts, vanilla milkshake from Mac as he knew it was one of my favorite, cake and other junk food he bought for me. I don't know how much I've eaten, and I don't really want to know either lol. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's fine though. Haiz... I miss being pampered by someone.. It's so hard to do things on your own when your used to being pampered.. I don't even know if someone else can still loves me despite my "little too frequent" tantrums, my constant need for attention and occasional bouts of insecurities. *sighs*

Karaoke Valentines

2010-02-16T13:00:00.011+09:00

Current Mood: [low]

I hate being the girl who lets the boy trump her emotions. I hate being the girl who claim to be strong but can break down at the drop of a hat. I hate that we're always fighting every single night just because of some unnecessary bullshit. When will this be over? When can we finally taste the pleasure of being together like we used to again? Do you think that I will stay around forever this time? Well it kills me because I just might.

You have it in your hand.. You got my heart in your hand. Yet you manipulate and crush it. After what happened a few years ago with him, I have had real issues with trust. Nothing seems real. You try so hard to trust this person. They make you feel on top of the world. Put you on a pedestal, then let you fall to the floor. Thinking about this is just tiring. I'm tired of hurting people just cause of my lack of trust, but I'm also definitely sick and tired of being hurt!

I'm a hypocrite. And if I wasn't having hopes, I know it wouldn't
matter, but now I realize I was just pretending...

Forgive not Forget

2010-02-05T15:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [drained]

For some reason, people who claim to love me think they have the right to hurt me. Have I given them the impression that it's okay to do so by tolerating it for all these years? I guess so. No more. I am revoking the power to hurt me that certain people have. I will no longer turn the other cheek or pretend it's all a joke. Never. I will forgive, which in most cases, I have already did. But, I will not forget.. I REFUSE to forget.

Everyone knows that finding the right one is hard. So many options are always on hand. And the way things are going these days makes it even harder to trust anyone, let alone find someone. I have this person in my life that really makes me happy. I don't know how he was able to keep me happy, but he did without even trying. Yes, I feel contented. But for every piece of me that wants him, another piece fights away. Especially after the bullshits that happened just at the start of a new year. Is that a bad sign? *sighs* I have always been one to believe that relationships almost never work out after seeing my older relatives go through theirs like a deck of cards. They ALWAYS consist of lies, drama, jealousy, and arguments. It never fails. Things like that annoy the shit out of me. Why should I stress about something just to be with ONE person? I'd rather be alone or chilling with friends, I guess.

I do not require someone to take care of me. I can do it on my own. I just bloom so much more when I have someone. It gives me a purpose and a reason to exist =)

Beginning of 2010

2010-01-04T06:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [bonjour]

~a Haircut to begin the New Year with....
This year, I want to say no, more often, and not feel guilty, and say yes, more often, and not feel embarrassed. I want to be much more silly this year, and care lesser about what people think of me. I have forgotten just how much fun being silly can be. I wanna laugh harder. And cry lesser for all of the bullshits that I think I can't fix, because I know I can. Every time I make the choice to be free, there is less suffering in the world, not a world with less pain, but less pain in the world. I want to love more this year, not the sappy, greeting card kind of love they sell on Valentine's day, but a love that surpasses all distance, time, space and differences.

This year, I want to make friends with those parts of me that I am afraid of and attempt to do those things that still scare me to death. I want to appreciate more and complain less, accept more and judge less, forgive more and blame less. I want to ultimately do nothing and allow everything. This year I want to break open the windows of my life and knock down the doors, remove the shackles and stare down the illusion until it sets me free. Welcome 2010~

End of 2009

2009-12-31T14:00:00.016+09:00

Current Mood: [optimistic]

I've got some moments before leaving behind the year 2009. I was supposed to write these days but I've been too busy with work and personal life. 2009 seemed like such a long year and a year in which I really saw the good and the bad. It got me thinking on how life can change on small and insignificant events and how things that seem like a nightmare at that time really can turn out to be the best thing to ever happen. It's amazing how much I have been through in this past year. But I can say that going through it all has made me stronger.

In the past year, I have learned just who I need in my life and who I don't. The ones who only come around when they want something. It's sad that we put other people before us, when they wouldn't even think twice about doing that for us. With that said, there are going to be some changes in 2010. I plan to get rid of the people who have no place in my life and reconnect with the ones that were shut out. So if you're wondering why the heck I stopped talking to you, I am sure you won't have any problems figuring it out.

Reminiscing back the Moments....

When I started to went out for a few dates after a break-up, before I decided that I can only feel comfortable with Aizat, thus, the only guy that I am contacting till now.

When life gets too serious, these are some of the people that I can always be stupid with. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. Including those not in the pic, I LOVE YALL.
It's time that I stop living my life for other people. I have come to realize that I have done that for the most part of my life. In the end, I gain nothing from it. I just end up getting taken advantage of and given guilt trips when I decide to do something for myself. I get sick thinking that I care too much for other people more than my own. I don't want to be treated like I'm here solely to serve others. I don't want to be blamed for shit that is out of my control. I am tired of staying up till three in the morning fighting with people that I love and being unable to make them see that it is not my intention to hurt them. In this new year, it is all done. I'm gonna wash my hands from it.

I guess the new year, is really a new year for me. It's a year where I have to learn standing on my own feet, a year to rebuilt the trust that I've lost for people and gain back the faith for myself. If back then I used to go everywhere with someone, do silly stuffs and share the little events with someone, now that someone will no longer be there. It's sad knowing how much things have changed, but I'm just gonna accept things as it is, dump all those thrash behind and focus more on the good times - Find a proper job. Make new friends. Travel around the world. Look my best. Feel my best. Pamper myself. Save money. And build a future. That's it. I'm gonna refrain myself from having high hopes or resolutions that I know I can't fulfill, cause that will only leave me feeling disappointed in the end.

Couples Retreat

2009-12-22T22:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [playful]

Work, outings, work, outings, work, outings... Almost the same routine every time. The thing is, I don't even have a real job. How ya like that? It's pissing me off. Do I even have something to show for the microscopic amount of time that I have been living in the world of academia? Does a graduate REALLY mean something?

I want to know what it is like to be a two year old kid again and free from everything. I want to know what it is like not to have a care in the world. I hate the fact that I care. I wish I could just turn off the care-factor and not give a damn. I just feel that I am too busy pleasing other people that I've stop worrying about my own needs. *shrugs*

Couples Retreat Movie with Sweethearts

I am soo deeply in love with the place where they held their shooting for Couples Retreat. Yes, its Eden Resort, do that place really exist? Lolx~ Had a quality time spent with my girlfriends and you... Thanks fer picking me up and sending me home from work as well. I don't need to over analyze this, your presence was enough to bring smiles...

Issue about Trust

2009-11-27T20:00:00.009+09:00

Current Mood: [grumpy]

Tell me, why do some boys HAVE to lie? I can't say all boys, because a good chunk of them are wonderfully sweet honeybees. But, to the rest of them, I simply don't understand why they just CANNOT BE HONEST! I don't need babying, or having the truth sugar coated fer me - I appreciate honesty. When does the truth stop becoming acceptable to hear?

Trust is really a big issue fer me. I give everyone a fair chance in the beginning, you have a full tank of trust when you meet me, and all I expect is the truth. Once you lie to me, all of that is gone. Secrets and lies and mean gossips are pointless, don't bring them around, all that is only litter on the road of relationships. Once you start lying, my whole trust for you is tested and eventually lost. Once you ruin that trust it takes a lot to earn it back, if you EVER do.

Now, don't twist my words, I don't stay angry, I do in fact forgive, very easily, but only because having hate in my heart just isn't my style, but that doesn't mean I can just let everything go back to the way it was before. That's crazy talk. That's absurdness!! I forgive these people that lie to me, but I don't forget. Especially boys.. Boys seem to get the thought in their stupid male heads that when they lie to my face, I'll never find out, and if I do, it wont matter. My feeling don't matter, and that's when boys become gay-tards and loser-heads and jerk-faces!!

Needless to say at the end of the day, I felt a twinge better, maybe getting over this boy wont be that hard after all.
In fact, that lovey-dovey-mushy-slushy feeling has already gone since decades....

Birthday Celebration

2009-11-25T21:42:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [jubilant]

So on last Saturday was the day I actually turned a year older. Though there was nothing special but it was an enjoyable day for me having the chance to spend it with my darlings. Thanks to all who dropped by with wishes, gifts and of course, to my closest girlfriend Ayu, for the birthday cake.. Love you babe.

Me and my darlings planned on a picnic at East Coast Park with a tent set up for an overnight. The weather turned up bright and windy, thank god it didn't rain on that day despite the wet weather nowadays! Haiqel bought lontong goreng, thanks to his kind mummy, Halimah with her fried chicken, Azmi with the drinks and snacks, and I bought some pizzas which already turned cold by the time we eat it.. Ahakz. Despite the fact that the guys keep rambling on about NS life but still, it was a chatty moment that killed the night away! I love boys, they are creative creatures that never run out of ideas to joke about! We had a good catch up and the day was filled with LOTS of laughters! It was blissful. Thanks to you as well for tagging along, mainly made my day... Heee =)

****East Coast Park Picnic Cum Birthday****

****Soaked ourselves into the sea and Rented a bicycle that evening****

Just getting here has been an extremely tough journey for me, yet here I stand. Healthy, strong, scarred, but filled with renewed optimism. Life is just far too short to live under the oppression of sadness. I am indeed thankful for living another year older and sooo glad to be celebrating it with my sweethearts! Love all of ya...

Moving in a Daze

2009-11-23T19:00:00.007+09:00

Current Mood: [dazed]

Somewhere in the evolution guys learned the trick of giving the woman just enough so she stays around but no more then that. Let her be the one wondering about the relationship and about his feelings. I say this only because your giving me a big fucking headache. I just can't seem to figure you out. This sounds like a dejavu. I mean you throws a bone and then you takes it back. Lately I don't even know what the hell your deal has been. Sometimes we do talk about personal things, but still ingesting jokes in between. I don't understand why you are so guard about yourself. Does this EVER make sense to you? I swear you really need to get it together!

Sometimes, I just want to give it up because I tell myself that this is too complicated, this is getting way too complex for an emotional affair. I'm just moving along in a daze, landing up in a pit that I myself, have no idea of the direction - Where are we going and Why are we going? I guess I should let it go now before it gets too deep. I feel like I am in a very safe zone at this moment but if I go any further, I will just risk breaking my own heart.

Harriet Graduation

2009-11-19T16:00:00.011+09:00

Current Mood: [grateful]

Like finally I have officially graduated from Harriet Business School. Yes, Graduated, but still got these fucking ABE Exams to settle down with. Hmmpf. I'm NOT glad to be leaving school though, really gonna miss those days and those awesome people I made friends with!! So anyway, the graduation ceremony was held at Golden Landmark Hotel but it was quite disappointing that no food was provided.. A huge disappointment indeed!! Haha... Nevermind, cut that out, here goes my typical routine, PICTURES!! Hehe...

****Graduation Ceremony @ Golden Landmark Hotel****

****Meet up with the Cliques to watch the movie 2012 @ Iluma Bugis****

Personally I feel that I have the tendency to be better friends with dudes rather than girls. I'm not sure why, but being just friends with guys is a lot less complicated and 98% drama free which most girls are always involved in. Past experiences have taught me to be much more wiser in choosing the friends I wanna be with, and I am very much contented with the people I had now. *smiles*

Isnin, please take back your tie from me before the rats eat it up aites! Razif, don't forget to invite me to your wedding!! Iman, I will definitely miss your irritating comments! And Halimah, you will always be the reason behind my excessive insanity and unstoppable laughters. To the rest, please keep in touch ya!! I LOVE YALL, Xoxo!!

Aizat and Farz

2009-11-17T21:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [relieved]

I came to a conclusion that "ex" CANNOT be friends. It could have been easier if you wasn't trying to hunt me down relentlessly like a horrible monster but then again, that only makes you look just like a dumb ass trying to act all ghetto despite the fact that I had been repeating myself endlessly. Too bad.

On the other note, Aizat met with a bike accident last week. He broke his wrist and there's a huge external patch of bruises on his left arm. It was terrible to see though, but luckily it wasn't that bad. He can still sent me home by bike despite his condition. Glad that he is recovering now. There's actually some pictures of his injury, but I'll make that personal. We went out again just recently to catch the movie 2012 at Iluma bugis. Three hours of show but I feel that the movie wasn't as what I expected. Nvm.

I wish I could snuggle against him and then fall asleep listening to his voice. He got a soft and pretty voice. I miss him. Looking forward for the meet up this Saturday together with him and all my darlings. Hopefully he don't have to do OT.. Hmmm. The days are dragging, but then again they always do when you are expecting something.

Love Lies Bleeding

2009-11-06T11:20:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [tender]

What am I to do without hurting you? What if what spares your feelings kills me?
What if what hurts you saves me? After all I ain't a saint and I'm no angel to begin with...

Personally I feel that love is just an idea someone created. I think what people call "love" is more of respect and care for that person that make you happy. When someone decides they are no longer in "love", they are actually just realizing that they are not as happy as they used to be. It hurts because you were happy with what you had, but you're not going to have it anymore. That's what I think. Everything looks so fake and unreal these days.

Maybe, I'm just living in a fairy-tale world. Promises are nothing but only spoken words to me. I thought that trust exists in a pure form, but apparently, I had been lying to myself. "I trust you" is so diluted, at times, that I'd have to drink a gallon of it to become even half-intoxicated and believe in lies. And backstabbers? They just boil my blood, like no other. It's unbelievable how some people can rape and murder such a beautiful concept, then persist to desecrate and spit on whatever remains. There's no other way to put this, some people just make me sick.

Ex Boyfriend

2009-11-04T14:32:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [neutral]

An ex boyfriend is an "ex" for a reason. I don't foresee you as something more than that anymore. Whats past is past. I am here simply because I do still care for you as a friend, but that love feeling has gone. Why can't you just take this as fate and realize that things are never going to work out between us? I am too tired of repeating this again and again. You asked me to be frank about my feelings, I DID. And the truth is, I am no longer interested in you! As a friend yes, but in a romantic way no! It's such a weird feeling. I am more than happy to be friends like the way we used to be again but at the same time, I'm also a bit sad. I guess the sadness just comes from knowing how much in love with you I used to be and how such feelings can just disappear after all the shit we've been through.

You took for granted to the good things that pass by in your life, its your bad. Don't tell me I did not gave you any chance when actually your the one who put it to waste. Please don't hurt yourself, don't wait for me anymore, it's not worth the try. I'd rather be lost moving on than to get stuck and stranded broken again. Perhaps if I just stimulate my brain in a way that I could always see you, smell you, hear you, and feel you, then maybe we could finally be together.

After all your just another obstacle that pass by just
like every other thing in life...

Marina Bowling

2009-11-02T19:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [ecstatic]

Bowling at Marina Square with my sweethearts - Aizat, Azmi, Ayu, Tytie. Thanks loves, I really enjoyed every single moment with you guys. Though my bowling skills was kinda pathetic, more to skill-less I must say haha, but it was fun indeed. Besides, I’ve only played bowling twice in my whole life. So you can predict my result. The ball kept going into the “drain”. Not all went into the drain though, in three games I’ve only scored a “strike” once. ONCE! Hahaha. I'm not that bad after all.. LOL! Aizat was a pro though, he scored in every single game! Must teach me aite dear!!

At this moment I'm loving my present life and the people surrounding it, always happening. I really had no regrets leaving the past and all the thrash behind me! Now is already the beginning of November, then December, and then its gonna be the start of the New year. Gosh, how time flies with a blink of the eye these days. Soon I'll be meeting my school mates for a Graduation Ceremony after almost three years spending my time in school. I'm looking forward for that, not because I'll be able to doll myself up but because I REALLY MISS MY MATES!! I miss school. I really miss those times soo much!! I miss AISYAH AND RAZIF! Where have you guys been man? Iman called me up last night just to let me know that he misses my road bumps a lot.. Hahaha so random. Meet up with yall soon aitez!

Clearing Syawal

2009-10-31T21:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [good]

This is really a busy month for me. I had been wanting to blog so many times but my eyes rarely stayed opened when I had the time and work is really draining me out. Even the weekends were fully booked by my darlings. Didn't even celebrated Syawal that much. Here's some due pictures.

Raya Outing with my Sweethearts <3

I had a lot of outings and things to write about but I guess I'll blog again when I got the time. I need a rest. I need to think. And I still need to go to work tmr.. Haish. Work is conquering 3/4 of my life. I am looking forward to November but I can't help to think that year 2009 was/is just speeding along. I should move along too. Be right back soon.

Louder than words

2009-10-08T21:00:00.017+09:00

Current Mood: [Tired]

Raya with Friends [More Pictures Later]

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Sometimes words speak louder than action. I've heard a lot of things, and I've seen a lot too. There are things that linger and hurt. Nothing I will admit to but there are. There are disappointments I have felt and faced before, but I'm almost over it all.

Do not put anymore doubts in my mind, its just gonna fuck things up. If you want to be apart of my life, then YOU need to make an effort to be apart of it. I am open to let people be apart of it, BUT it's gotta be 2 ways. Doesn't matter how much shit you get. Doesn't matter what people say. You are you and you make your own decisions. It is your life and not the life of others you're living. If you need to let me go, forget me, then you need to do what you need to do. You can't keep holding on to me as you please. It is not fair for either of us. I hate to lose anyone but if I have to, I will accept it like everything else in life. If I need to let anyone go, I hate to do it, but I will. So I'm hoping the same from you too.

Farz and Aizat

2009-10-06T07:00:00.004+09:00

Current Mood: [cheeky]

I was debating with one of my friend yesterday about whether I am actually happy with my current status right now. Well I know its been a while since I last taste the sense of freedom, but at this point of time, I'm totally LOVIN IT! I don't wake up every morning wishing someone was there to greet me and though sometimes I do get jealous looking at happy couples walking along the street, but at the end of the day, I always tell myself, IF I am going to be in a relationship, I want it to be like that, not just having a boyfriend for the sake of having one. I am not gonna run around getting depressed just cause I don't have a man, that's one thing fer sure.

So anyway, Me and Aizat went out to catch a late night movie a few days back at Downtown East, 4bia - to be frank, it ain't that scary as what AIN claimed it to be.. Lolx~ Calculating from the first day me and Aizat started to get to know each other as friends, its already been two months plus now. I absolutely looove going out with him a lot, he makes me sooo elated every time we talk over the phone or meet up. Time will tell.

Raya 2009

2009-10-04T12:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [jubilant]

I know its totally kinda late to make a wish right now. But whatever it is, I just wanna wish all my beloved darlings Selamat Hari Raya.. Sorry seems to be the hardest word but I'll apologize once in a year for all the wrong doings and misunderstandings aites!! Lepas raya bley buat lagik.. Wakaka. =P

Well, not much of a celebration fer me though.. I was just surprised to meet some of my cousins that I used to be close with only to know that they have totally changed. I will not elaborate further. If I were to ramble about all and every single relatives of mine it's gonna be one hell of a loooong storyline.. Lolx. On another note, I'm still eligible for green packets, well unless if they mistook me to be mum's youngest sibling than the chance to get it will be pretty slim.. Haha.

First Day Raya @ Daddy's Side

Second Day Raya @ Mummy's Side

Out of the 20 aunts/uncles I had from my Father's Side and the 8 aunts/uncles from my Mum's Side, sadly to say, I am only close with my aunt from my mummy's side. Had a long conversation with her while we were in the cab to my Grandpa's House, we talked about almost everything - Life, love, things, people, perception. She was against me contacting with a Mat Motor and persuades me to get to know her God brother.. Tak habis2 nak kenalkan aku dgn si Hadrie.. Lolx~ I know its nothing more pleasing to the eyes than to see a man in uniform serving the country but it definitely takes more than just a Six-Pack fer me, More than that...

As fer now, I am contented enough being single and definitely don't have a problem with it. In fact, I only seem to have a problem with a guy who is around me all the time! I don't like to be cuddled and I only want to be bothered when I feel like it, and that isn't often. I like being on my own and if a guy can't get that then it's probably better we just stay friends.

Confused love

2009-10-01T16:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [optimistic]

I'm overdue for another blog layout. I am seriously getting bored with this layout but I am also TOOO LAZY to find another blogskin. Well actually, I'm overdue for a lot of things, but I'll get to those in a bit. Things are fantastic, as they usually are these days. Money is getting tighter, but I have confidence that it'll be fine. Getting a job is one thing I'm WAY overdue for, but I'm working on a new resume right now. Projects has made my days seem a little hectic, but I'm glad its finally over!

Now I'm thinking to get out from my shell so that I can get my spark back fer the next moves. I had been dating fer a while since my last break up but I'm gonna take it very slooow. I hafta make my options pretty wide before I can decide to have someone as a priority. And fer that I'm sorry if I have to let go some people just cause they fail to understand me. I need to be free and I am NOT ready fer a committed relationship, but some people just keeps pushing me towards it. I couldn't take it no more, I was feeling mixed up, and I confused love with infatuation. YES, my feelings tricked me. And sadly it took me a while only to realize that this is not what I wanted. I can't have a definite plan because my feelings change constantly. And love? I almost forget what it means. I was in a major period of cleansing. Definitely challenging for me but I believe it's ultimately worth it. I've learned something new - Its like an eye opener for me to understand myself better. And the most challenging thing is that I don't want to become jaded, build walls or get cold. I just wanna stay open, be selective but still let people into my life.

"Loving someone is like a rose, you must give it time and let it grow"

Life is Complicated

2009-09-03T12:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [confused]

I am so frustrated and annoyed with myself. I wish I knew what I was doing and thinking lately, but I have no idea. Confusion is just one thing that I can't deal with very well. I'm not sure if I am blowing things out but I have so much going on in my head that needs to be sorted out, and I don't know exactly where to begin.

It hurts my heart to say this, but I feel that the moment I think I am trusting people again, I find reasons to doubt it. I can't help resent that there are so many experiences I hope for that I am afraid I'll miss it if I ignore these feelings. People always say that when something good comes around you must take it. The problem here is that I have felt this way before and that did not really go as planned. This is when I just want to kick fate in its rear. Blast...

I'm metaphorically all crunched up in between fear and
excitement. Puhlease show yourself, Divine Light! Where are
you when I need your luminescence..?

Thanks Razif

2009-09-01T20:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [ecstatic]

Its charming in a way when someone take subtle notice of you, but it does gets to the point of disturbing at times when they just keep coming back at ya even after they were being thrown away in the garbage. Feels like kicking them in the nuts and watch them roll around on the floor!! [and still got the fcuking guts to add me back in facebook..!?!!]

Talking to Razif on the phone helps to ease my mind a little. Thanks dude, you've been a great bro to me eventhough its been quite a while since we last hang out. At times I do really hate a guy's presence so much but at the end of the day, I always ended up being consoled by a guy whenever I'm feeling low, majority my guy friends. I hate having too much girlfriends nowadays, girls always cause me too much drama. *sighs*

Can't deny the fact that I really miss those days having yall in school back then!! It has been one of the wonderful times ever, and though we've promise to keep in touch, but surely its not gonna be the same as how it used to be anymore.. haiz, LIFE. On the other note, I've decided to skip the coming December exams and take up my car license instead. I'm not prepared fer the coming exams anyway. Life has been a dick but I think it is finally sinking in that I made it.. I am simply loving life right now. Even if I am just spending my days sleeping away, and hanging out with no purpose at all, but that's not about it, its the presence of some beautiful people in my life that matters most..!~

Falling in Love

2009-08-28T02:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [jubilant]

From the times you spent just to fetch and accompanied me home, to the movies, bazaar outing and all the other times we shared together, thanks fer everything baby. I have finally entered the next phase of my journey and I'm glowing again, because of you...

Done and Through

2009-08-26T22:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [happy]

It's not going to be the same anymore, and eventually I don't really care. Although things get a little contradicting, it's not a barrel fer me. It's just your pathetic state of mind and I believe you'll get over it sooner or later. All along I thought that is what you wanted? Why suddenly the twist of words?? Well, I'm sorry to say that it's a little too late for you to regret what you've done now. You completely burned my heart and you think I will forgive you? Why? So you can do it all over again? How many more chances do you expect me to give you?! You treated me like a piece of shit, and now your begging me like a beggar?? How pathetic. You should have really been more wise before you do the things you did.

Life has been way way better ever since the day you left. I must admit that life has been kind to me. I went and did things I said I would do. My heart has never been more at ease and when I think of all the things you put me through, I can’t believe I actually keep going back to someone that makes my spirits die. But guess what? I’m over with you. Done and through. So don’t ever bother chasing me. You've stolen enough of my dignity, now please let me work with what I have. Find someone else to toy with. Just fucking leave me alone!!

I just wanna put all the past behind me. I know if it wasn't for what happened back then, I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm getting back to my regular non-stop laugh and I am really truly very happy for the first time in I don't know how long. For that I thank someone very special to me, and all my sweethearts who had been very supportive. I think I do not need to mention any names here, you guys should know who you are. *smiles*

If only I could stick my heart in a blender, I guess
life would be soo much easier then~

Leading the Life

2009-08-17T12:00:00.012+09:00

Current Mood: [grateful]

I came here to document certain moments in my life, I did NOT come to this site to be ridiculed, to be lectured or to be preached at. Just because I choose not to tolerate to your viewpoint does not makes me a heartless person. I don't know where you got the idea that I'm so bad, and you're so good. Spreading petty lies or nasty rumors just ruins your reputation in the process. It won’t make your life any better either. Wisdom upholds to those who know the truth. Like what his momma said, "Dah putus, dah settle. If they still can't accept it, meaning they are still living in their own past." Tsk tsk.

Worries, regrets, whats the point? I see no point. I have always lived by the saying: Everything happens for a reason, and to this day I still do. I've learn to accept whatever that comes along the way, and I've learn to treasure and appreciate the presence of the people I heart the most. If you show love and happiness, that's what you'll get back. If you're bitter and sour, well then the world is ugly.

Where's the Ghost Movie turns out awesome!! 2-thumbs up!

This is just the beginning of a new chapter. We had our fair share of craps and clinging to the hope that we'll
"try again" is never a good idea. Even as we were hanging out and talking about the chance of us getting back together to the past, I knew that will probably be something foolish to do so. Imagine staying with a loser for 8 years and being single over 40 looking for love all over again - so that's one way of looking at it.

As for my friends, my great apology for not being able to go out that often with yall anymore. I just couldn't see "us" being very close, I find it is often that way with exes, even if you are best mates beforehand. Maintaining a good solid friendship with someone you were going out with is hard. Of course, some people manage it very well, but I reckon it takes some time to get there. I do, however, believe he can someday make a much better friend than he ever would have made a boyfriend.

Fireworks on 09 August 2009 @ Esplanade

I hear kids going by in the trains screaming loud. Then again, I wonder should I kill them for silence, bitch about it or... yeah I put up and adapt and try to ignore them. The only “karma” is action RE-action. You just HAVE TO shut up, adapt with it and do what you have to and possibly can do. It is not being tough but BEING SURVIVALIST IN A PRIMAL WAY. The pantry is empty and you need a cave to sleep in - find a way to do it.

We get sick, we get hurt, we get fucked up. But if you are unhappy with your life, do what you can to change it and look inside at yourself for what you can change of YOU and not others. You shit your pants now go clean yourself off. If you don’t like to get sick? Then don’t go near the sick in mind. Life is not fair but we CAN even the playing field by simply TRYING. I do not lead a perfect and beautiful phase of life but at least, I’m proud that until this day, I can still stand tall on my feet, hold my head high and do what I know I should do. And if life ever kicks me in the ass, I'd say fuck it all, hold my aching ass and walk funny for a while..!~

For ya Bitch.

2009-08-13T09:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [giggly]

Keep on whining girl, I seriously don't even bother to care.

I am not getting paid to hear your circular whining bullshit over and over again. I am NOT getting paid to be polite and nice and ethical within the boundaries of a profession. So pardon me if my advice to you is, just shut the fuck up, go get some therapy and DO something about your bullshit sick ways!! Go and get a life instead of sitting around thinking about and bitching how SAD you are and how BAD your life is. Go read some headlines and SEE how bad life is. I am not here to listen to your pathetic whining and your buffet of bullshits.

So what did you call me again? A whore? Perampas tunang orang? Well, just so you know alrite, I am NOT attached to "your bekas" and even if one day that happens, it's seriously none of your fucking business. I met him after he was being left alone, so you don't have the rights to make any assumptions about me. Grow up, your like bitching about it forever!! Life is a constant change and you will definitely find love again but who the hell who wants to love someone constantly whining to them? Pull your shit together and MOVE ON!

You came to my blog without even being invited, and now your leaving your shit behind as well?? Damn it, how many more comments does it take before you realize you are only digging your ass deeper and making things worse with that circular negative thinking of yours? I didn't create your problem so PUHLEASE GROW UP AND LEARN TO DO IT YOUR DAMN SELF. I'd rather spent my life with beautiful people close to my heart rather than wasting my time on a pathetic moron. Wanna talk about my insensitivity?

FUCK your comments - send me a note to;
whogivesashitaboutyourwhiningbullshit@idontcare.com

Love is Blind

2009-08-11T06:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [peaceful]

Listening to Love is Blind

I see you all the time, Never see you smile, I try to picture what's going on in your mind, He leaves you every night by yourself, He took your love and put it on the shelf, He doesn't really care how you feel, You should be moving on girl what's the deal? I wanna see you out that door.. Cause girl you know you're worth much more, So baby tell me why you stick around, Always lonely and only wear a frown, He don't treat you good and you know, The only thing left is for you to go, You shouldn't live a life with someone, When deep inside you know he ain't the one...

Girl I understand you're scared, And you feel that you might never love again, But baby that ain't true, I know there's someone for you, Someone that will see you are worth, An undiscovered treasure on this earth, Girl you know you're worth much more, I wanna see you out that door, Don't wanna see another tear in your eye, Baby break away, Let him go, I don't know what he's done to you, But I know that it's time for you to move on...

Yes, Its time to Move On, Thanks Farhan for the song (=

Farz and Farhan

2009-08-06T17:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [optimistic]

I sometimes wished this is not true, but it's happening to us. Don't blame me, your the one who started this game. The moment I'm starting to gain my trust for you again, you did the same shit. Not once. Not twice. But it happens AGAIN and AGAIN. So now don't blow me off and act like it's the end of the world. If I considered you a friend before, you will always be a friend no matter what. I could have kept the relationship secret and you wouldn't have known the difference. I still care and want your friendship if you'll let me have that. I've already made it clear that I wasn't leading you on so don't act like I betrayed you somehow. Take a deep breath and talk to me because we both know where this is going to end up.

Because he gave the love you can never give.
True that all of us can’t really assume what might happen in the future, and that is the reason why there comes a saying that says "always be prepared to get ready for the unexpected". Tomorrow, you might meet a stranger, make friends, and eventually, fall in love. You’ll never know, right? Life is full of surprises anyway. I've learn that you shall not hesitate to open doors and welcome chances that may come by. There is no such thing as "futile" because in this limited time we have in this world, we learn something more important than mathematics or physics. That is, even under time pressure, you can still manage to touch other’s hearts...

Life changes. People change. Promises are broken. Dreams are
shattered. Hearts stop beating. But me, my life - Goes On.

Moving On

2009-08-04T12:00:00.009+09:00

Current Mood: [gloomy]

Lotsa things have happened ever since I leave my blog unoccupied for the past few weeks. To start it off, I just can't afford to leave my heart broken again and again. I gave you all the trust, I gave you all the love and care but what I get in return is always empty promises and lies from you. You know all my friends and relatives has been pestering me to leave you, they assume I can get someone better than you (though I don't really have the confidence in that), but I put all the negative comments aside just because I was hoping soo much you could change. But no, I was very wrong indeed.

If one day you wake up and I'm gone, don't blame me. I had more than enough from you. You’ve brought me much happiness yet ten times the pain. You’ve put thousands of smiles upon my face and brought much laughter from my mouth. Yet you’ve caused millions of tears to fall, and bad memories to fill my head. You’re the best thing I’ve ever felt, yet you are the worst thing to ever come into my life and the worst pain I’ve ever dealt with. It's tearing me apart, I really can't bear this hurt for too long. I need to walk away now.

Thanks for being there, Farhan. To be frank, he's the 26 year old ICA guy that I am in contact right now, besides Aizat and Mustafa. Where and how we get to know each other its not an issue to talk about right now. Daniel too, keep assuring me that I am able to trust him if I give him a chance. Well, I don't know. Literally I've lose the trust for everyone. All I need right now is just a peace of mind and keeping myself busy and occupied with some random stuffs to refrain myself from continuously thinking about you, that's all I guess...~

Michael Jackson Death

2009-07-10T08:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [moaning]

Uh-huh, so its been two weeks since Michael Jackson's death. And despite that, people from all over the world is still talking about him. I've came across some who said that MJ should not be revered as the King of Pop at all, but rather as a pedophile and a child molester who enjoyed sleeping over with little boys, a weird dude hooked on plastic surgery, and skin bleaching, surrounded by many other oddities. I must say he was a great performer, a one of a kind, a superstar? And knowing that he's dead somehow makes the rest seem so meaningless ya?? It was ridiculous that some of his fans actually committed SUICIDE!! And did Michael really convert to Islam anyway?

That video really touched me, what beautiful children he had.. Daddy was one of MJ's biggest fan, from his cassettes to the VCDs and DVDs, you'll gonna see alooot of that at my house. Itu pun mak aku dah buang sparuh dlm tong.. Lolx. Hope his fanatic fans won't do anything crappy again after this.. Please, let MJ rest in peace!!

Swensen & Movie

2009-07-06T12:00:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [hopeful]

Ayim will have to start his NS tmr! Spent the last day with him for a movie date and had our lunch at Swensens. I am definitely not adjusting to this change very well. I'm soo used to seeing him and texting him often and soon, things will change. (aduuh~~~ Ngada2 ehh aku.. Like as if he's not coming back.. Lolx~) On the other note, please avoid eating the Butter Herb Prawns at Swensens people!! Its tasteless!!

Ice Age 3 was extremely hilarious.. But there's something more exciting that I am looking forward to, Harry Potter!!!! I'm Draco Malfoy fanatic fan yaaa... His super damn hot and cute.. Hehehe! =DDD

And to Ayim, thanks for the Winnie the Pooh bear you bought for me. Sometimes, even after how much you make me pissed by your playful attitude and always being hours late for a meet up, but at the end of the day, you just know how to cheer me up again.. - The reason why I'm still stuck in this "rollercoaster relationship" even after how much friends nagged me to move on. When we're not fighting, everything is perfect. He pleases me physically but he's not at all intellectually stimulating. I know to completely be happy I would need to be with someone who is driven to succeed, intelligent, charming, and not shallow! Herrrhh~~ I'm rambling on again.. -___-

Shop Bankruptcy

2009-07-02T02:00:00.002+09:00

Current Mood: [indescribable]

I need to find a new job AGAIN. Yes, AGAIN. It's a mixture of feelings right now, I don't know whether or not I shall be happy with this news or otherwise? I've knew it all along. Ever since I started working at Bugis Street, and monitoring the sales there, of course I am not surprise if the shop really goes bankrupt. It's been reaaal pathetic. Imagine working for 9 hours, and at the end of the day you just managed to sell 2 or 3 stuffs, and that makes your total amount of sales like around $10-$40!?!! And it goes on and on and on like that every single day. HAISHHH. With that kind of sales, you can't even cover my pay for A DAY siaa, apelagy nak cover the shop rent and all. Well, that explains how pathetic the shop is, segala-galanye BRANDSET.

My Workplace @ Bugis Street Level Two

Maybe I shall put the caption as "My Previous Workplace" instead of My Workplace cause obviously, I am no longer working there. Yesterday was my last day. And NO, I was not being terminated or whatsoever, it's just that the shop has claimed BANKRUPT. I've received a message on my cellphone just now and this was what the boss said:

"Hi farz, trust all is well. I bring you some good and bad news. Bad news is, your service will no longer be required with immediate effect. Good news is you can collect your salary tomorrow and pass the shop key to Vanessa (my colleague). Very sorry for late notice. The shop will need to be close down asap. I thank you for your help all these while and I appreciate it. I will keep you posted of new shop details if everything has settled. From, Eugene"

Quoting from the last sentence, "new shop details"??? Hmmm, I believed that is just some sweet words to cover up the main cause! Herhh... New shop kepala hotak dia! Satu kedai pun tak maju2 lagik nak berangan taik ayam! I'd rather find a new job than having to wait till your "new dream shop" opens up man. I guess it's partly due to my cursings that the shop really goes bankrupt! Haha..!! My bad, I've got to start looking for a new job all over again...

* * * * * :( s i g h s * * * * *

PH and Secret Recipe

2009-06-30T09:00:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [cheeky]

The last week was pretty amazing. Been spending a lot of time with my gundus on my off days till I realize that I've been sleeping lesser and lesser. Nina (a gurl from my workplace) said that my eyebags is getting from bad to WORST. She recommended me to get a concealer but surprisingly, I've no idea how to use a concealer. I've tried it before once when I previously worked at Bodyshop, but sadly it just didn't work!! *sighs*

So on last tuesday, spent mah time with my gundus at IMM, had a fair share of stories and craps while having our "desert" at Secret Recipe. From mall trips to the park to the pool and food places. I am loving it. Next outing, probably Sentosa? Teehehee.. =DDD

On Friday, met up with Shahidah for Pizzas at Pizzahut Lucky Plaza. I was actually craving for the baked rice but looking at the Cheesy Lava Deal makes me feel really tempted.. Haha. I just looove anything to do with Cheese and Mayonnaise! My "Secret Recipe" of how I actually managed to gain weight from the skinny bony girl back then.. I ate plain rice with mayonnaise everyday, don't be surprised. It's been part of my daily menu now.. Lolx!~

Perfect Prince

2009-06-26T11:00:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [pessimist]

---Life is never perfect, and love is always never what you want
it to be... In the journey of seeking a perfect love, we often
ended up having to dance to the song of heartbreak---

I have a very tainted view of relationships, I don't know what it's like for something to last for a while. I'm only used to the "letting go" part, where I have to give up all the good times just so the bad things will stop. Life is definitely real confusing at times. You just can't describe the difference in life when there is love. Like suddenly you don't need all the friends in the world. You just need that one person, someone that listens to you, someone that you can share your problems too.. Someone that you can TRUST!

And of course, one thing that ALWAYS rules my mood is how my relationship is going. I'm not a person who sets high standards for someone, obviously no one is perfect. I don't need YOU to change yourself, I just want someone that redefines bad habits. I just want someone with passion, someone that when they think of me, they just have everything to say, and it doesn't stop, it just pours out of them. The kind that 50 years from now, he still looks at me the same way he did in the beginning. The kind that wants to go grocery shopping with me just to spend some time together. The kind that isn't afraid to tell me everything that I make them feel. The kind that leave me notes on my doorstep. The kind that never stops holding my hand and makes me feel appreciated. Someone that has the option to go to a strip club, but still really just wants ME! Is that really too much to ask for?????

K-box Video

2009-06-24T08:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [good]

A Combined Video of US @ K-Box

It feeels sooooo utterly good when u finally get things done! Especially after a tied up work schedule for the past few weeks! *smiless* I crossed off a lot of errands on my to-do list yesterday and I went to the gym and had a productive workout as well. YES, I actually did some exercise with my Momma there.. HAHA! =p

I am gaining A LOT of weight ever since I work at Bugis Street, due to boredom I spent my time munching awaaay. Later on I'll be meeting Ayim for the 2nd round cravings at Secret Recipe! The first one was with my lovely gundus but that was just a piece of Tiramisu cake! I am craving for the MEAL now! Haha.. And friday, gonna meet up with my dear Aishwarya Rai for some Pizzasss! I think just for this week, I had spend almost half of my pocket money just on FOOOOOD.. Iman says I'm getting Rounder! (despite the workouts I did once in a blue moon Haha!) I think I need to get myself an Appetite-Control pill sooon... -_____-

K-box Karaoke

2009-06-22T15:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [delighted]

Its been awesome spending mah time with loved ones the last few weeks. We had been going out on a few occasions, and of course Karaoke Session for the 2nd time was one of the best ever. We had a split of Dangdut and English songs at Cathay Cineleisure K-box karaoke together with Ayim, Azmi, Omin, Norizan, Rudy and Gabriel - The Normal Crazeey Gundus. I've also took some videos but I'll upload it on the next entry aites.

K-Box Karaoke Outing @ Cathay Cineleisure

I'm gonna have a full plate of outings on the following weeks ahead, before Ayim serve his NS on 7th July. I am sooo looking forward to watch the 4D Movie at Sentosa! Nisa said it was extremely entertaining..! Is it?? *shrugs* I'll update more later, now is the time to fulfill my cravings at Secret Recipe first.. Hehee! Daaa~~

Chalet Downtown

2009-06-18T12:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [relax]

The almost dead blog is FINALLY updated. *smiles* With my exams now over, I had been tremendously busy with either going out with my dahlings or working life. YES, work is ruling part of my life right now, almost 3/4 of it actually. Well what to do, with the high standard living in Singapore, you just can't complain.. -__-

Back to the topic of my examinations. Having to skip way too many lectures, as well as not having kept up with the required reading, I was far too behind to actually have revision time. So wadya expect? I'm gonna rot myself in school for another 12 more months just to get a DIPLOMA CERT! (though my lessons have completed actually) I am not someone who really lives her life to its full potential, and even though that annoys me and makes me all too aware of how being lazy is to waste your life away, I have thus, been unable to change my ways. Yet I am not about to give up hope that I will someday find that thing named "motivation"..!

Chill @ Chalet Downtown East

There's more pictures actually, but I'm lazy to collage everything. To friends, you can grab the pics you want from my facebook aites. Anyway, Hadri's the guy that my aunt wants to matchmake me with (From above picture). Not my taste though. Heh. And many thanks to all my gundus who came down to the chalet.. Love yall.. XOXO!!

Sulastri Wedding

2009-05-26T17:00:00.002+09:00

Current Mood: [good]

Just another random congratulate to one of my cousin, Sulastri who has just got married with her beloved husband a few weeks back. Didn't took much pictures of the bride since I am not really THAT CLOSE with my relative's from the Paternal's Side. Friends told me that I am quite lucky to have a huge family but I really don't see any point. It feels like everyone is scattered everywhere. And its quite sad that at this age, I still do not know that "this" is my uncle and "that" is my cousin. I met with new faces every year, and that is of course only during Raya or if gatherings like this one happened to exist. -_-

Kak Sulastri Wedding Day

On the other note, I'm gonna have a chalet at Downtown East this coming Saturday and Sunday. Friends are invited to come over. And I simply can't wait for barbecuing! I'm imagining scrumptious food licking occasion in my head right now and it feels like my tummy is growling again!!

P;s>> Hopefully I've got enough time on that day to play Arcade.. Haha! I've gotta get hold of something interesting to forget a minute about stressful examinations.. Arghh!!

Personal Desire

2009-05-25T08:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [cheeky]

I'm quite disappointed that our plans (Iman, Ibnu, Halimah, Lyana, Fadilah, Me) to go Sentosa Beach yesterday was cancel due to some people who can't make it at a last minute. But its okay! We'll plan a GOOD ONE after the exams! And Aisyah, I want you to tag along as well!

Right now, Ima waiting for my first pay end of this month.. So much things in mind that I would like to buy. Ever since I started working at Bugis Village, I keep on buying stuffs almost every single day!! Recently I've just bought myself a 3/4 jeans, a pair of sandals, a handbag, and a total of 4 tees! Negative side of working in the Retail Line, ahaks! How I wished I had a laptop to play with at work too! I'm eyeing on the Sony VaIO Red Black one.. DAMN HOT! And the price?? $2,XXX!! Hmmm.. I need a Tai Tai boyfriend!!

Listing down SOME of my personal desires!

Minah Merah.. Haha. Everything will looks hot to me if the color is a combination of Red and Black! I've came across a website about Colors and Your Personality, and this is what Red defines: "The red personality makes one feel more energetic or activated. This energetic personality craves attention and are interested in many areas of life though generally more "laid back". Being quick with their emotions, they may erupt into a temperamental volcano right in front of you then simmer down just as quickly." Haha.. My friends will surely agree 100% to this statement!

To my Current Addiction____
Boy you light my fire and I don't know what to do.. Got me in a daze, I wish you notice me.. I see you everywhere, I know you see me stare.. Still, my heart is stuck on you...

Flowerbed Cosmetics

2009-05-24T09:00:00.010+09:00

Current Post: [contented]

Things have got a lot less complicated and stressful ever since my last post! The fact that I've been a bit busy and not updating shows that things are less hectic. So in other words, I'm quite contented with everything at the moment and I thank god for answering my prayers.

I have realised just how much strain my recent love-life issues have been causing me since they finally got sorted out. I was desperately looking for a job the past weeks so as to remind me lesser of what has happened and keep me busy with life. So YES, like finally I've found a good job for myself! After soo long of being jobless and a bit fussy with choosing a job, I'm quite satisfied with the outcome of my patience! I know I wouldn't want any other jobs better than this!! Being able to chat over the phone anytime I want and sitting down all day long is by far, the best job I've ever came across in Retail Line. *wide wide smile*

Flowerbed Cosmetics - Bugis Village Level Two

One thing I like working at Bugis Village - FREEDOM, no rules attached!! Cause I know I'm so-called a person who can't stand herself with having so much rules here and there. I do not like people to give me commands (especially to work directly under a Manager), I would prefer to work freely, and to do things in my own way! And this job certainly complete my needs, for now.. =DD

Letting Go

2009-05-15T03:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [grumpy]

I don't know why we always tend to hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. Its like we're scared to lose what we really don't even have. Some of us say we'd rather have something than have nothing at all, but the truth is... To have something halfway is even harder than not having it at all.

Double Dates

2009-05-13T11:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [cheerful]

Outing with my Harriet Mates - Ibnu, Iman, Halimah to Cathay Cineleisure last friday to watch a movie, 17 Again.. Zac Efron lar!! Haha.. They actually wanted to book a chamber room at E2-Max to play boardgames but I was the one who really insisted to watch 17 Again so Iman's got no other choice but to follow my will.. Hehe! Iman's the one who organised the whole outing and as what Halimah told me, he's trying to matchmake me with Ibnu.. He kept mentioning to me that Ibnu looked abit like Ayim and in that case, I shall open up my heart and give Ibnu a chance.. LOL!! Well frankly, in terms of attitude-wise I can't deny the fact that Ibnu's more matured since he's already 27 but at this point of time, I can't think far, probably NOT YET.

We met up after work at 7pm and headed towards Far East Plaza to have our dinner first - Resto Surabaya Restaurant. We had some veges, udang penyet, ayam/daging penyet, tahu telor and drinks...

After the dinner, Iman told me that we'll gonna have our supper during the movie.. I assumed that he'll be buying popcorns for the four of us to share but I was wrong indeed. Out of my realisation, he bought four nachos for each of us and four packs of hotdog rolls! That was EXTREME!! You don't expect me to eat up all those after a heavy dinner man! Don't compare my tummy with yours.. I know yours is still spacious enough to gobble up more foood.. Haha! Kalau hari2 kluar dgn kau bley jady XXL sak badan aku.. LOL! Movie ended at 11pm. Iman and Halimah decided to went home by cab whereas me and Ibnu took the MRT instead. Reached home around 12.. Overall was a blast!! And ohh yeagh, thanks Iman for your "supper" treat! We'll meet again some time soon!~

Zam2 and Pastamania

2009-05-11T08:00:00.010+09:00

Current Mood: [confusion]

The last week had been a real busy week for me, he got his pay and I have to accompany him shopping, then another outing with Shahidah, and a so-called "double date" with Ibnu, Iman and Halimah.. The crazeey people of course esp with Iman in it, well he reminds me aloot of Mr Bean.. Except that Iman's abit more special because I can always take a nap on his tummy whenever my back hurts.. LOL! And lastly, my momma's day celebration at Changi Village, but no pictures for that.

On the other note, exams coming in less than two weeks from now, and the fact is, I've not even prepare a single thing!! I'll end up sleeping every time I start to open up notes about Marketing! Another possibility of screwing it up. No point revising at this moment because I'm gonna forget all of it and I'm gonna fail anyway. *shrugs*

Outing with Aishwarya Rai

I'm not in good talking terms with him right now. Seriously I've got soo fcuking tired of fighting with him for almost the same reason all the time. He always changed plans out of a sudden and giving me inappropriate excuses to cover up his mistakes. He just had a huge problem with following his words. I give you all the freedom you want yet you can't even tell me a SIMPLE TRUTH. I'm not going to elaborate but the main point is YOU LIE and you know that's the worst thing I hate about!

Lunch @ Pastamania with him and Halimah

I have no idea where this relationship will bring me to.. To know the fact that his mom also dislikes me just gives me the urge to end this right away sometimes. I don't understand what the big deal about love is... It really sucks. It's been said you can't live without it but I see people who are single and perfectly fine with it.. I guess I almost forgot how living a Single life is like. I'm just too sick to think about it - Time for me to go with the flow, Nuff said.

Relationships Fable

2009-04-30T01:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [ponder]

I notice a lot of heartbreaks, sorrow and people feeling depressed for one reason or another.. Love has a lot to do with it whether unrequited, a break-up, or new beginnings. Growing to love a person is nothing but a fable. The biggest arrest about love is the false hope that he/she will change. The hardest truth to accept is to be betrayed by the very same person who declares undying love to you everyday. The worst killer is to be taken for granted or made to feel invisible by the person you love the most. I know its not easy dealing with heartbreaks, especially to the thought of going back to square one, but we need to acknowledge the fact that sometimes love is not enough.

Thus, I would like to share with you something about Oprah's advice, taken from Suhailah's blog. Especially to my friends who's dealing with this kind of shit, PLEASE READ:

- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... Look for someone complimentary not supplementary.

- If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.. Don't stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.

- You CANNOT change a man's behaviour.. Change comes from within.

- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle..

- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.

- AND MOST IMPORTANTLY! Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others at the same time!

- You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, AND WANT U MORE... So you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.. =D

School Times

2009-04-28T01:00:00.010+09:00

Current Mood: [bored]

A conversation with Remy on MSN..
Chatting with Remy on messenger reminds me of the first day when school started. Get to know two beautiful people, Aisyah and Halimah, and everything was a whole lot of fun with them around. Even during lessons, we can still talk crap and laugh out loud distracting others. And sometimes, our conversations can get so friggin random I could die from laughing! How I miss those times. I miss them. Now I am already at a different class. They are having Business Law lessons whereas I'm having IT in Travel and Tourism. Though I still have a few others to hang around with, but both of them are still at the top of my mates list! I miss yall lar! ;-(

Iman called me up just now to ask why I didn't talk to him in school yesterday. He said I was having that fcuk-up kinda face. (Just my Mood-swings anyway) And he called just to clarify with me if I was mad at him or something. HAHA. Cute kappe kau! Well, even if you get insane to the worst extend of living yourself in IMH, I'll still be your friend okay. Minimum2 pun kalau aku marah dgn kau, aku sumpah kau jady Doraemon. At least your sexaay tummy can be beneficial to me. Mwuahaha.

And I would like to thank our most flirtatious yet generous student, Mat Noh for treating me and Yana at Swensens Chinatown last week. He work as a house agent and just got himself 15K after a house was successfully sold by him. I repeat, A HOUSE. Only a house and he already got 15K. Cool kappe! Eheh. My crush is also a house agent. This gives me the burning desire of becoming a house agent as well... ^_^

21st Monthsary

2009-04-26T21:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [content]

Our 21st Monthsary

It started off so simple, Just a Crush. That is all you was...
From the moment I lay my eyes on you, I knew my world was going to change. I knew my life was going to be amazing after I met you. When you called that one night, I felt my chest just pounding with excitement. I loved everything. The way you made me feel before we went out, from the moment we started....

We went out for a picnic date at Pasir Ris Park for our 21st Monthsary. It was very nice to get out and see nature and experience more then just the TV and couch. My first time seeing a sunset actually.. Beautiful - One of God's finest creation. Our picnic was quite simple though, Pacific's Delight and Cheesy Chicken from Pizzahut was already more than enough to make my tummy bulging out.. Ahakx!

Some snacks to keep us munching along the way and of course, a large bottle of our favourite drink, Peach Tea to quench our thirst from the SUPER humid weather. YES. The weather nowadays.. Simply undescribable! Even after just a bath I can see myself sweating. Wonder how the Minah Ferings can cope with it.. Hmmm~

Beautiful Sunset

2009-04-24T06:00:00.007+09:00

Current Mood: [touched]

*This heart belongs to YOU - you can touch it, feel it,
play with it, but DO NOT ever destroy it*

Life is so unpredictable. Changes always come along, in big or small ways. I don't know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down. I don't know exactly what it is, it just hit me, but there is something really special about you, something that set you apart from everyone else. And now, I realize how deeply my life has been touched by you... Update more bout it later.

Love School

2009-04-22T04:00:00.015+09:00

Current Mood: [whining]

Quizzes on Facebook rarely lie huh??.. =P
I love school more than I like being at home, though school work can be soo nauseating sometimes but obviously going to school is always better than working a full-time job that's taking me no where. Yes. Though the stress I am happy. I don't like reality nowadays, the 'real' world, the grown-up world as much as my easy school days. I guess I should have listened to all of those grumbling adults when they said, 'these are the best days of your life', because so far they were right! Getting a good paid job is pretty hard these days.. Esp when the world now is stuck with a major turnover - Economic crisis, which then affects all of us with a major unemployment rate!

This is really annoying! My money is decreasing and yet, I've not yet found a job till now. I realised Singapore's getting too racist nowadays.. Everything must Mandarin speaking.. I see that as only part of an excuse for them to employ Chinese and China people! Know why?? Because one of my friends have Mandarin skills (to add on that she also have a diploma and 5 years experience!) and yet still unemployed, so what does that have to say? Fcuk up companies all looking at SKIN COLOUR. That's the main reason so many Malays and Indians are caught up with stealing cases and such nowadays. Don't blame it on us.

Tmr's my 21st Monthsary and I'm down with a flu, cough and I just can't stop sneezing!!
I am sick of eating medicine's cause its just not working on me right now -_-

Studio Karaoke

2009-04-20T13:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [blissful]

Just what I needed, thanks to my love ones for all the fun and entertainment. The karaoke outing, though a last minute plan, still turned out as wonderful as I've expected. Six of us is enough to make the whole room rocks!! - Me, Ayu, Izan, Yana, Azmi and Omin. Sadly my boy didn't get to tag along due to work.. Hmm.

Outing at Cash Studio Karaoke Box

Well frankly speaking, I must say that Izan has a really nice voice! Besides her looks that remind me of a singer Ezlynn, she also has a voice that is similar to Agnes Monica! Ayu's and Omin's voice not bad also. And, of course mine is ALWAYS the worst one of all.. I may be the last person you will want to hear from.. Hahaha! Actually I was ready enough to bear the consequence if it gets raining after I sang the last song, but surprisingly it didnt.. Lolx!

I have a hard time looking for Malay songs to sing because I don't really listen to Malay music.. And the English songs aren't much to choose either. All the reggae and RnB songs that I wanted wasn't listed down, Sigh. So that leads me to a last resort of singing the song Sepenuh Hati by Spoon and Jangan Pernah Berubah/Puspa by ST12. Azmi and Omin took alot of songs from Kristal. Kau dgn mata-air aku bley duk satu umah arh! Tak abis2 lagu Kristal.. Hahakz! I realised we actually sang alot of "jiwangs" on that day.. -_-

So far, one of the best outings I've ever had.. There's aloot MOOORE pictures from Izan's digicam.. And some crazy videos too but I'm super lazy to upload.. Heh. Planning for another karaoke session but at another location.. Any ideas of a cheaper rate for 4 hours?? (with more English songs hopefully) Asik2 pegi Cash Studio kering jgk kocek aku.. Ahakz! To my lovely gundus.. NOMORE JIWANG SONGS on the next session okay!!

There comes a point in your life, when you realize who matters, who never did,
who never won't any more and who always will. So dont worry about people from
your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Need Break

2009-04-15T04:00:00.008+09:00

Current Mood: [tired]

I get so disappointed in friends and family. I expect nothing, or try to expect nothing so I won't get hurt, but there must be some part of me, however small, that expects a little something back. It's all so hard at times. It would be far easier if I didn't need people, but unfortunately that's not the way human beings are hardwired.

I'm tired of hearing everyone say things and not really doing anything. I understand things come up. I understand we forget. i understand we get busy.. And I know there are millions of reasons we don't hold up to what we say. I'm not going to try so hard anymore with anyone who isn't trying either. I'm not going to be putting in the majority of the effort and not really getting much of a friend in return. It is a give and take relationship, and lately, it's more of giving then taking. I've been okay with it far too long and I'm just getting a little burnt out. I'm running low on fuel to keep being this person there for everyone who needs me and yet, no one's there when i need them to be.

Please bring me out for a vacation the way you did Aunt..
I just need a break right now.

Spelling Error

2009-04-13T12:00:00.007+09:00

Current Mood: [annoyed]

Just wanna share with yall a piece of crap that happened just now.. Love call me up at 11.40am asking me to help him check a job location at Street Directory for an interview tmr..

Ayim: You.. Tolong i check kan address nie..
Farz: Aper address dia??
Ayim: 80 Son Road Fuji New York... (as what he sounded on the phone)
Farz: Huh!! @-@ Mcm mana nak spell the "new york"??
Ayim: New york u tatau spell?? Bodoh nye!! N-e-w Y-o-r-k ahh!!
Farz: (not in the mood to start a fight) So i just followed as what he mentioned and at the same time, was wondering if there's such thing as "New York" building and "Son Road" in Singapore!

After a few while, the search results are being displayed on the screen.... And at that moment I don't know exactly if I should laugh or be mad at him for calling me "bodoh"...

RESULTS SHOWN: 80 ANSON ROAD FUJI XEROX TOWERS! -_-

He spelled Anson as "son" and Xerox as "new york".. Mentang2 both words got the ORK sound at the back, dia asal bley hentam New Yoorkk jek! Wakaka! Now are you the one who have a problem with listening skills/spelling or am I the one who is stupid?!?! Baby, you know you are weak at spellings, SO PLEASE KINDLY LOWER DOWN YOUR EGO AND SEEK HELP FROM THE PERSON WHO CALLED YOU FOR THE APPROPRIATE ADDRESS!!! Grrrrr!

Dine-In Breeks

2009-04-10T09:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [playful]

Blogger is soo irritating nowadays.. It won't let me used my old blog url link back again man! Urgh! I hate this "farzytales" url name.. Can't think of any other nice names either.. I just want my farzxsoul back!! GRRR!! And I am still thinking if I shall change my blog background to white colour for better viewing.. Problem is, I loove black and I loove red.. So that is why my blog layouts has always been similar.. Hehe!

Dine-In @ Breeks Cafe

So a few days back, me with boyfriend and ayu went down to airport and dine in at breeks cafe while playing with ayu's new laptop.. Hehe! She asked us to teach her how to use tagged and meet with guys via the net. Biasalah gegerl tgh carik jodoh.. Ahakz -_- Well talking about tagged, I was just wondering if yall believed in online match-making?? Majority of the guys there looked faked to me but I still couldn't make any assumption to it because surprisingly, some of my friends who "make love" from the net actually lasted very long.. Hmmmm~

The purpose of me in tagged is only because of curiosity actually and as expected, I discover quite ALOOT of fakers from tagged - Men with cheapskate lines to tackle some other bitches, and women proudly showing their sex appeal to the public.. I may not know whats their intention of doing so but seriously it makes them looked alot like a prostitute. And whats more surprising is that, there's also OLD MEN lingering in there!! OLD MEN with bald head, white thick moustache and a damn sad looking face.. Telling the whole world that they are still available and so-called "tak laku".. LOL!!. Sometimes it makes me wonder, is their "banana" still rising or has gone damn flat like the way they looked.. Wakakaka!! Maybe they need some strong pills or something... =P

Civil Defence

2009-04-08T15:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [loved]

For the past two consecutive weeks I've been having a bad dream about him.. About getting betrayed and stuffs like that.. Maybe because I am too focus on whats happening with my surroundings till it haunts me to sleep i guess.. Sigh, I feel like I am too dependent on him these days, to the extend that I've become totally paranoid of being single again. YES, that's how deep he has affect my life. The feeling of breaking up just feels like terrible SHIT, in fact worst than shit! For those who had been in a long-term relationship, they'll know exactly what I mean.

Right now, I am still waiting for his results whether or not he's application to go to ITE Tampines is successful. If its stated otherwise, than he will be going to NS soon, joining the Civil Defence force. YES, its CIVIL DEFENCE!! Goshhh, I really really despise Civil Defence guys and now I have to accept the fact that my boyfriend's gonna be one of those guys soon! And whats worst, I won't get to see him for 3 months straight till like after Hari Raya?!? OMG, that's really a bad news to hear! I'm really not ready for this.. YOU!! I nak you differ NS!! -_-

Being Betrayed

2009-03-26T08:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [discontent]

I don't know whats going on with this world but apparently this is the season for BETRAYAL and CHEATING huh?!?! Everything I thought I knew is a lie! You may probably think that "another unsuspecting and naive girl now has got her heart broken by some man whore." NO, this is nothing of that sort. It feels like everyone around me is cheating. Quite literally actually.

Just a month back my pathetic aunt got divorce by her husband because of betrayal. Now another cousin of mine handling the same shit. And whats worst now is that she has to undergo two weeks of hell in the hospital due to stress and depression and YET, her heartless husband can still enjoys himself at the night club with some other sluts! You know what, if murder is not a sin, I would be VERY PLEASED to kill her husband! Seriously whats happening with the world these days?!?! I've heard too much about break-ups, scandals, 3rd parties.. Whats next?!? It becomes almost impossible to understand how someone really close could actually betray them.. Its like a child stabbing a mother - Imagine the pain of a mother who brought up her child with nothing but love, care and took every pain away just for her child's happiness.. It's exactly similar. Sometimes it makes me wonder, will I ever discover the power to love wholeheartedly without fear of loneliness, rejection, emotional ties and heartbreak??

Just because of a few irresponsible men, it makes me lose trust in ALL MEN.
And it feels really damn sad that being a woman has to be hurt soo bad...

The Strength

2009-03-21T21:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [cranky]

Some say holding on is what makes you strong, But sometimes it takes much more strength to just LET GO and MOVE ON...

Reminisce the Past

2009-03-15T21:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [thoughtful]

Have you ever noticed that when you stop to think about it, you realize just exactly how much has changed in your life? Friends that come and go, things that changes. And then suddenly, you miss it. Even though ten minutes ago you were loving your life and eager to see what tomorrow holds for you. But, after that small little reminder, suddenly you're filled with a bittersweet sorrow. And then you start to wonder... When was the last time I called so and so? When was the last time I had a long conversation with someone outside of a tight circle of friends? So much for promises of "friends forever" and "we'll always keep in touch no matter what" - Total Bullshit.

This is just life. Things change, people change, seasons change.. As you grow older everything is different. Right now I'm seeing these changes too. And though it hurts a little, but I look at it this way: I don't think I've done anything to anyone that is soo horrible that it's irreversible. I understand that sometimes, life gets crazy. And as usual, life as of lately has been way crazy for me. I've been dealing enough of shit in life and I am really not looking forward to entertain any garbage anymore.

Back Again

2009-03-10T14:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [heylo]

After so many many months, finally im back here AGAIN.. the "blogger world".. LOL! I created this blog mainly because I've had a lot of brain snot lately and if I don't document it down, it may start dribbling out of my ears. Plus, the economy is in a downward spiral and I'm mostly unemployed at the moment. This leaves me with an inordinate amount of time to blog.. *winks*

I just feel like putting some incomplete pieces of me out here... Perhaps it's because I can't verbally articulate them. Funny how just reading my own ramblings makes me feel slightly better. Anyway, just want to share with yall something about Mozilla Firefox. Just in case some of you are not updated YET and still using Internet Explorer, you'll get what i mean soon when you've check out the differences between those two browsers below!

Website viewed using Mozilla Firefox:

The alignment and wordings are all in place!

Website viewed using Internet Explorer:

Though its not really obvious, but the alignment here still look messy!
And since I am using Mozilla Firefox myself, so I don't feel the need to fix my blog via Internet Explorer. This is only a part of the demonstration kay? LOL.. There's a lot more benefits that Mozilla Firefox have and Internet Explorer don't. Despite the fact that viruses DO OCCUR, it all depends on how much websites you surf and how often you watched porn.. haha! (A higher chance to get viruses from there) sooo.. just beware kay? khekhekhe...

Random Picas

2008-12-12T19:00:00.002+09:00

Current Mood: [good]

during school revision first week of dec - those were the hectic days fer me. every day study study study like hell but when the actual day comes, i just stared at the papers blankly! i am soo worried, my grades are plummeting and i still have four more new subjects to take next year! school work put large burdens on my shoulders right now and exam grades will determine whetear or not i'll be able to graduate. have to set a new target next year man, sumthing achievable maybe.. lolx.

the actual day on my birthday (pic below) - i slept most of the day away.. i am not sure why i did, maybe bcos unlike every other normal crappy day this was crappier than all of the usual days.. everything just turned out sucky! i dunch even bother to dress myself up. the outing wasnt what i wanted. i cried my eyes out and wonder if i am making the biggest mistake in my life by waiting for him to be here. he represent the exact opposite of everything ive ever longed for and yet, for some strange reason, i feel happy when im with him.. its just not logical. i hate it. life isnt always fair and i know that but come on i think i have had my fair share of crap in my life. time for the good times to start.. how long more shall i put myself in a mask?

thks to all those pple who were dere fer me, thou it was the worst day ive ever had, but yall make me feel soo much better. things arent perfect, but its amazing what good pple can do fer my spirits. watava my status is right now, im not intending to find another replacement, so i hope yall will stop the match-making aites!~

Bdae Sentosa2

2008-12-10T09:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [calm]

SENTOSA BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION PART 2

...and after that, we proceeded to the Skyride and Merlion =)

well frankly, my life has been tooooo much for me to write about but i just dunch have the fcuking time to do so. some things that sure will surprise my mates out if they were to know bout it. and after a loong period of silence, finally i had the time to go bloghopping again. ive read a few entries that i didnt agree with, and ive read a few that shocked the shit out of me, like damn how the fcuk that happen? but rest assured im not judging anyone. oh and yeah i say shit ALOT. i have a terrible mouth not bcos i have a lacked of vocabulary but bcos curse words seem to describe what i feel the best.. heh eheh, till then!~

Bdae Sentosa1

2008-12-08T17:00:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [content]

i had lotsa overdue picas due to my tight schedule these days. i guess im gonna delete my blog soo soon after im done with my december entries. below are the overdue picas from my birthday celebration in november. feel sorry fer natasha, halimah, razif and hafiz fer not being able to come down fer the outing at pahlawan beach.. maybe some other time aites.

SENTOSA BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION PART 1

...and finally we reached our destination, the pahlawan beach =)

i know the picas looked abit dull cos im just plain lazy to edit it. too much pics lar.. still got sentosa part2 sumore.. haha! anyway, thanks to yall fer the wishes and all the prezzies.. and to my DEAR IMAN, before you actually give me a bdae wish, puhlease take note that i am not born in the year 1980 but 1989 okay! wat makes you tink that i am older than you man? umor dah 24 tahun jgn nak perasaan muda kay.. LOL! will catch up with the continuation of the sentosa pics soon yeagh!~

19th Birthday

2008-11-21T00:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [peaceful]

Things I have learned in the past 19 years:
- I've learned that the closest people to you are often the ones

who hurt you the most emotionally.
- To fall in love is to encounter pain so love = pain.
- The friends that claim to keep in touch with you usually do not.
- I've learned that to cheer yourself up you need to cheer

someone else first.
- I've learned that no matter how bad today was,

tomorrow will turn out better.
- I've learned that life gives you many many chances.
- I've learned that you do not truely appreciate things until they are lost.
- And that the best things in life are indeed free.
- I've learned that relationships are not more important than friends.
- I've learned to forgive the people who have messed up my life

no matter how hard it may be.
- I've learned not to live in the past because it will only stop you

from realizing what your capable of.
- I've learned that you need to be able to have a sense of humor

and laugh off the things that hurt in life... Happy Bday Farz!~

Love Hurts

2008-11-19T14:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [blank]

Some says that friends are always there for you, understands you, but where are they? Why cant i feel their presence? They say that you can do anything out of the ordinary if you just believe in yourself, but why is it that i failed? Many says that crying is the best way to get rid of your problems, but why is it that i have no more tears to cry but still, i feel pathetic? Others say that loving someone is the greatest thing, but why is it that my heart aches because of love...?~

i aint suppose to have feelings fer sumone else, im sorry.
life is crazy, but then again, you probably already knew that.

Bdae Memories

2008-11-17T06:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [neutral]

bcos of my past, i grew up harden towards the world and the people in it.. i learned to hate far too young in my life. i trusted very few and those that i did trust, i still had my guard up just in case. love was NEVER in my dictionary, and at that point of time, i believed that GUYS ARE BULLSHIT. i dunch need a man to complete my life, to make me happy. i tell people i dunch do long-term relationships but the truth is, im too afraid that i'll never find someone to have a successful one with. im notorious for taking on challenges, going after what i cant have and then once i achieve whatever i was chasing, i tend to lose interest. its the chase that keeps things exciting for me. keeps me in control. is playing such a bad thing? teach me how to trust.

i was browsing my old photobucket when i came across those pictures. people that contribute to my past. the times when i dunch feel like cuming back home, thanks for the companion shahid. the times when i feel like blowing my brain out, and sumone told me to hold on, thanks zul, im still alive here because of you. and firdaus.. a part of my scandal? haha.. zaman2 kental. until now i actuali couldnt believe that i am in a long-term relationship, not sure if this gonna last either. the fact that his mom doesnt like me, and his aunt kept match-making him with somebody else, makes me lose hope on him.. Zzzzz.

today is already monday, meaning its three more days to my birthday. celebrated it with zurah, wan and effie two years back (in the above picture), last year with my boyfie, wonder whu's the unlucky one to celebrate it with me this year. i guess i dunch deserve to feel special in any way at all, im just a brat, and birthday is just the same like other normal days fer me!~

15th Anniversary

2008-10-24T11:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [loved]

15 months anniversary with boyfriend was spent at downtown east.. we went to catch the exclusive movie, oh baby.. well, the most interesting one fer me so far. im sooo in lurve with their dance step, and randy's sooo HOT yah! *air liuhh meleleh*

the movie was quite good, its not draggy yet sweet and meaningful. its very true that everyone in this world wears a mask, and the only thing you can ever trust is YOURSELF. ur life circles around YOU, you make ur own choice, you choose ur own path, and noone can lead it for ya.. anyway, to boyfriend, thanks for ur treat and thanks for everything.. i dunch know how to jiwang2 here, but really, you make me the most happiest kid on that day.. hee.. olrite, will update again sum other time!~

Jobless Life

2008-10-22T20:00:00.004+09:00

Current Mood: [restless]

im jobless, and its really a fcuking bore to rot myself at home almost all the time.. ive been thinking alot lately how awesome it would be to be able to work just part time at a place i like, beautiful and convenient. problem is, finding a part time job that would be enough for me to pay my skewl fees, hp bills, exam payments, and sum other gadgets i wished to buy sooon.. loolx! havent yet include my ezlink fares, shopping stuffs, food outside etc etc.. i know these are bare basic bills, but everything in spore is not that cheap nowadaes yah!

this also makes me wanna kick myself for screwing around fer so long.. i could have entered a poly already, study hard, get a diploma and find myself a stable job, but no, i was retarded and just threw it all away, and look where it got me. pple looking down on my education, thinking that i was just another bimbo hanging around with some bitches under a block.. well fer those who got that perception towards me, i bet you dunch know me at all. i may do things out of entertainment, but when the real deal has come, its just a matter of whether i wanna take it or leave it. you know it when i started to speak. being blur does not define stupidity, or else i wont be in an express stream back then. if only it weren't for those bad decisions, i could have done well fer my Os just like how i attempted my PSLE 8 years ago, and i wouldnt be where i am now, blah blah blah.. everything happens for a reason, so sarcastic and "cold" these days!~

Harriet Raya

2008-10-20T11:00:00.020+09:00

Current Mood: [playful]

yesterdae's outing was a blast, minus the bad weather and all. i was reali annoyed by the taxi driver at first. it was raining very heavily yesterdae, so me and poor azizie haiqel, purposely took a cab to skool from tanjong pagar mrt jus to avoid getting wet (fer yo info, its jus a 5 mins walk to my skool from the mrt ehh) so yeagh, i was hoping fer the taxi driver to alight us at the shelter outside my skool lobby but end up, he dropped us in the middle of the rain, opposite my skool.. like WTF! seriusly wats the use of us taking a cab then? dier expect kiter cross the road pakai aper, DAUN PISANG?? haishh..

Raya Outing With Harriet Skewlmates

luckily aisyah came to save the day.. she fetch us from across the road, with an umbrella she loaned from a bangla nearby.. haha! itupun si aisyah kena beg bangla tu sparuh mati baru dpt itu payung sak.. like as if we're gonna steal that old umbrella, PUHLEASE LAH! lagik mulia payung datuk aku siak.. hahaha! so by the time we reached skool, its already 3 plus, kiter smpai mcm superstar karat, semua dah baleq.. makanan pun tinggal kerak2.. nasib baik blum basi.. ahakz!

so fer yo info, ive round almost half of the cities in spore yesterdae, dari tanjong pagar ke city hall ke choa chukang, bukit gombak, jurong and finally back to tampines, the clock already strikes 9PM.. i met up with my boifey and my bestest mate, headed towards hanafi's openhouse.. we were the last gundus that he served.. biaserlah, kiter kan superstar.. haha!

well actuali razef and natasha were supposed to tag along, but they cant make it at a last minute. maybe if they did joined in, we dunch have to waste our buckeroos taking a cab from jurong to tamp i guess.. since razef got license mah.. but nvm.. everything's already ended and even without the other two jokers, i swear i still had loooots of fun with you gerls! yall never fail to make me laugh man.. yeagh, thats the type of friends i need.. pple who dunch give a fcuk about wat society tinks.. pple who dunch go emo all the time, moaning about their pathetic lives, their heartbreak rship and watava crap! i can be a good listener once in a while ya know, but not every single time aites.. and ohh, is my entry looong enuf today? HEH, cheers!~

Johor Raya

2008-10-17T14:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [cheeky]

kids, i believed they are the most happiest humans on earth.. to know the fact that they have absolutely nuthing to worry about and being loved by everyone makes me feel jealous sumtimes. i have always enjoyed getting my way when i was a little kid too - i wanted what i wanted and if you werent going to give it to me, i would still find a way to get it.. well, thats not so easy to do once you get older and you arent so cute and cuddly anymore.. lolx! how i wished i was born to be a little kid for my entire life.. which will NEVER happened of cos, unless deres a sudden miracle or watsoever, hoho.

anyway, me and family had our raya a few days back in malaysia visiting my mummy's side dere. nuthing much to talk about acherli.. the one in green kurung is my closest aunt, i really lurve it when shes around. thou our age gap is quite huge, but we click very well.. and we share sumthing in common, we really DESPISE guys in SKINNY JEANS.. hahaha.. bleaagh!~

Shahidah Bdae

2008-10-15T19:00:00.009+09:00

Current Mood: [peaceful]

its been six years of our friendship now, and ur still the bestest friend for me so far. thou we dunch reali meet up that often, but its already a habit for us to call or sms each other every single day - too much stories to share, too much things to tell. when i needed a good kick swift in the ass, you gave me one. when i needed sumone to keep me level-headed, you were always there.. and the greatest part of all, you make me laugh.. ALOOT.

today cums ur special day, and i would like to take this opportunity to apologise for all the bad and rough times that happened between us.. eventhou sumtimes you do make sense, but i tried to convince myself that i was right and you were wrong. i know i can never be a perfect friend, but at the end of the day, ur still the one that i look for, the one that i need.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AISHWARYA RAI!

friends can come and go in my life, but not you. eventhou deres too much differences between us, but i hope we will be able to keep this friendship going.. its been six years now, and still counting.. happy 19th bdae babygerl!! hope you like that lame bdae gift from me aite.. haha.. and im craving fer swensens grilled sambal fish and mango ice cream again.. ohh noo!~

Friends Raya

2008-10-13T21:00:00.013+09:00

Current Mood: [content]

im lazy to update, let jus make the pichas do the talking aite =)
FRIENDS RAYA OUTING GROUP 1

and its nice to meet mariana, fadilah and lyna again, after a loong time they left us being MIA.. haha. still the old us thou appearance may be abit different from back then.. love you babygerl! and btw, it looks like im gaining weight man, seriusly the month of raya reali makes my perut double the sexayy.. LOL! moore pixs will be uploaded in my facebook olrite, i cant afford to collage everything here.. so add me up in facebook for those whu hadnt yeagh.. until next time dahlings!~

Couple Raya

2008-10-10T23:00:00.009+09:00

Current Mood: [chipper]

Family And Couple Raya Outing'08.

i am too lazy to write a loong entry today, been too busy with my "collections".. eheh! glad that my collection is already more than enuf now to settle my hp bills which already hit 400 plus plus. i really didnt expect my boifey's aunt to give me 20 bucks, so far, only the closest pple to you will give such amount right? *shrugs* well anyway, we managed to rent a car together with ayim's brother and his girlfriend. luckily we didnt drop by his house, me and his mum really couldnt click at all.. maybe NOT YET. si ayim lagik ader hati nak ajak aku tunang.. LOL! lama lagik lar woii.. im still learning how to be committed yeagh!

next week will probably be another busy wk fer me.. gotta catch-up with the raya outing from two different groups of friends, skewlmates and the usual mates. also gonna celebrate aishwarya rai birthday which is cuming soon. my weekends is FULLY BOOKED.. dunch know if deres any of the wkdaes left fer me to rot at home.. heh! will update once im free again.. till then!~

Berhari Raya

2008-10-08T15:00:00.010+09:00

Current Mood: [intolerant]

biler part raya jek, aku dah malas giler nak update.. heh! so as can be seen from the pics below, second day of raya was spent with my father's side.. boring nak mampos ahh. frankly speaking lar ehh, i just couldnt click with any of my uncles or aunties from my father's side. dorg sumer kes mulot byk so equal to aku-malas-nak-layan. well, that also explains the pathetic photos for the second day.. peacee! and ohh, azmi's the ONLY cousin i am close with fer now.

so fer the third day of raya, went to my mum's side. and aloot of pple mistook me and my closest aunt as kakak and adek.. they say we look alike, do we?? LOL! she's much more prettier man, she got that sharp nose.. well anyway, my family didnt manage to cover all the houses in two daes.. so dunch be surprised to see more raya pictures cuming up.. *yaawns*

actuali i have no idea what to update about, not in a good mood right now.. well sumtimes duncha tink that being single is the best to keep you freee from everything? like where you wanna go, what you wanna do, tkde org yg nak sebok2 amek tahu.. like wtf ahh! kau peh org byk werld siak! seratus kali mintak maaf, seratus kali kau buat lagik! kau peh maaf bley campak jauh2 kat longkang ahh.. tkleh pakai langsung.. aku give up ahh.. now im jus gonna go with the flow!~

Mum Birthday

2008-10-06T20:00:00.001+09:00

Current Mood: [thankful]

i may not have been a good daughter to you all this while, i may not remember whats ur age right now, 41? 42? 43? but watava it is, i would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very big happy birthday! happy 40++ bdae mum, i love you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA!

dear momma, eventhou you LOVE to nag ALOT, but thanks for being the greatest mother in the world, not bcos i turned up to be great but bcos you had to put up with all my constant shit and yet, you lavish me with unconditional love and care for a dipshit failure such as me.. and did i ever thank you for serving me breakfast every morning? yeagh.. thanks for being the best momma, and the only human to bright up my life at home.. you know, i will NEVER be able to click with dad, neither my own siblings. without you, life at home will be empty, well sumtimes ur nags can be quite useful to bright up the empty house ya know.. LOL! hey, i know you read my blog, hope you like that wallet from me, happy birthday to you again!

right after skewl just now, met up with my boifey.. go town, shopping, dinner at ramen ten.. random outing lah. he wanted to buy me a couple ring from silvera but unfortunately, i dunch find the rings beautiful at all.. lolx. well anyway, AYIM BLANJE AKU RAMEN TEN AND SWENSENS LAR SEY! (( he asked me to write this inside my blog.. so amacam? dah puas? cukup besar tak i letak pt blog? atau you nak i published kat newspaper skali? heh! )) like whats up sia.. baru blanje aku makan dua kali dah nak bangga2.. haha! lain kali blanje mahu lebih sikit ehh you.. baru i bley blg satu dunia.. wakaka bluek!~

Swensen Food

2008-10-03T17:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [ponder]

why isit easier to notice the bad traits of a person rather than the good? i was having my lunch at swensens with boyfriend yesterdae, and while waiting for our food to arrive, we were actuali having a conversation bout the good and bad traits of our character.. and apparently, i noticed that the bad list seems to go waaay larger than the good ones.. lolx! are humans just inherently bad more so than good? or isit hard for us to over look the bad attributes to see the good ones?

Swensens Changi Airport Terminal Two

when i tried to list down the good traits of a person, i was having a pretty hard time man. it had me thinking, why cant i list good things about them at the ease ive listed the negative? hmm.. shud get my brain to start thinking about it.. haha! well basically deres no special events that happened on that day, just a simple consultation.. lolx.. until next time then!~

Hari Raya'08

2008-10-01T21:00:00.005+09:00

Current Mood: [ecstatic]

Wishing All Muslims Slamat Hari Raya!

house-cleaning done, threading done, bazaar-shopping done, ramadhan done - so now like finally its hari raya! and it excites me a little to know the fact that i still received "hangbaos" for my raya collection this year.. *jumps around like beruk* my fam had jus visited four houses out of nineteen siblings from my father's side today, YES.. mOoOre collectioon coming soon haneh.. wahaha! olrite then, i wanna catch the telemovie at sensasi now.. slamat hari raya everyone, enjoy your day!~

Faridah Geylang

2008-09-29T12:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [blessed]

every now and then you meet sumone spectacular, sumone that is everything you need.. at first, she is just a friend that you wave to when you pass in the hall. long walks and deep conversations later, you get to realise that your life circles around her. its pple like her that you can NEVER let go of, they are the ones that will always be there for you, no matter where life takes you or what it throws at you.. pple like her only come maybe once in your lifetime, and they are the little minor ones that is worth all the love in the world, the ones that can really make you laugh when you dunch even wanna smile..!~

Blonde Highlights

2008-09-26T03:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [naughty]

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
ive worked very hard in my entire life to do the right thing, to be good, and i didnt do it out of fear of punishment or chastisement, and i certainly didnt do it to be popular either. puhlease, i dunch need silly little children to tell me how to live my life. pple with nuthing better to do than monitor my thots and feelings, makes me feel special in a way.. *winks*

and NO, i did not colored my whole head blonde.. pictures can be too deceiving rmbr? hee.. i have already dyed my hair back again cos the previous highlights didnt turned out as what ive wanted. its brown now but i jus cant get rid of that stupid minahrep highlights, luking as blondish as ever.. yikes! i get sick of my hair everytime i take a look at it.. hopefully the color toned down before hari raya.. i wanna look younger so that my pocket will still be filled with hangbaos.. wahaha bleagh!~

Four Marina

2008-09-24T20:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [loved]

skewl had been a little bit boring eversince the last batch graduated.. pple like rizal, yana, khairul, fauzi etc etc.. the ones i LOVE to disturb wheneva boredom strikes. new students, more gurls, which means, more drama. hey, ive realised that gurls are more sensitive compared to guys ya know.. kena kacau siket dah melalak.. like wth?! *roll eyes*

so yesterdae, had our dinner at marina square with my favourite gurls and the extra boyfriend. i cant wait for our gathering to sentosa in november man, celebrating aisyah and my bdae as well, a 2-in-1 gegerl birthdae bash.. hahax! k watava.

friendship had taught me alot.. ALOT about friends and hypocrites. i find it a waste of my fcuking time to please pple who act like they are my best of friends, and then as soon as i turn around, that blade jus goes right into my spine! well im not hateful with all that has happened thou, infact, im grateful that God had replaced those thrash with the presence of beautiful pple around me. i know, watava that God means for me to have he'll give it to me, and if it takes too much sweat i dunch need it!~

Taufik Batisah

2008-09-22T05:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [cheeky]

followed my dear aishwarya rai and her family to terawih at jamiyah old folks home yesterday bcos there was an event going on. mum was involved in giving away hampers to the old.. taufik batisah was invited dere as well.. as you can see, our dear shahidah aka aishwarya rai was soo excited to take a picture with taufik batisah.. that explains why she was soo much closer with taufik in the picture compared to me.. hahaks! abeh si taufik plak, dier pikir cute peh tutup mata gitu mcm.. haha!

serius talking ehh, shahidah lagik miang dari aku tau.. dier carik chance jer nak pegang2 taufik.. haha! as fer me, im not a big fan of taufik eventhou we are sumhow related to each other (we share the same aunt, maria bachok) but cant deny the fact that he has a very sweeeet face! oii shahidah, sheik arab tu aku punyer ehh, kau tkmu menyebok!! wakaka bluekk!~

Couple Bazar

2008-09-19T14:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [blank]

went out with boifey to bazaar geylang to get our stuffs last tuesday. well it seems like none of the kebaya dere suit my taste, even if it does, the price was at least 200 or above. yeaghh.. i dunch wanna waste money buying an outfit which is soo expensive and yet only wore it once a year.. duh! rite now, nuthing interesting seemed to cross my mind, besides, im jus too lazy to write a loong entry. me and boifey most probably will be wearing red this year.. yup, thats all fer today ahh!~

Not Perfect

2008-09-15T09:00:00.014+09:00

Current Mood: [chill]

i cant seem to understand why sum pple are bought up being too egoistic to realize they have any imperfections, and yet they bring up sum other issues which is not related to our cause of misunderstanding. if they make it simple, im sure not to drag upon this. now whu’s the immature one here? im jus wondering to myself, WHY the hell must dere be a need for them to bring me down jus bcos i am not born educated. does that makes them waaay better, i mean, seriusly? or are they jus finding my weaknesses so that they looked like the one winning this game?

what about my sense of fashion? does this relate to our main problem? NO, thats right! NEVER in my life had i mentioned that i have a fabulous sense of fashion, NEVER! neither am i being soo bloody proud about it too, so why does this bother you soo much? puhlease ahh, dun insert words into my mouth can? if my boost of confidence bother you soo much, you shud have throw away that pinch of jealousy, really. you think that ignorance lead you to maturity and yet ur bitching about the MOST RANDOM THINGS which is out of my concern.. whats ur problem here man?

i know i have too much flaws, but i confront my imperfections in the mirror every single day, and that makes me a bigger person now. you know me very well, so puhlease dunch expect things of me that you know i am not the type of person to give.. whu tells you that having a temper defines childishness? this had been my natural character, even YOU know that i wont throw my tantrums for nuthing. if i can rewind back everything, maybe the truth will show. im sure others wont tolerate the cold actions you did to me too, or shall i say, us? yeap, ALL OF US.

truthfully speaking, i had never consider ur flaws in the past as sumthing to bitch about bcos i believed that perfection DOES NOT exist in this world. noone else shud be blame except for the ones involved in this, and that includes ME and YOU. im flawed, so are YOU.. and if in this world, pple were happy to be flawed together, the word "misunderstanding" wont exist!~

Cont Geylang

2008-09-12T07:00:00.012+09:00

Current Mood: [evil]

pardon me pple, im jus TOO LAZY to write long entries.. thou i may think too much and feel like pouring all those words here, but everything when blank when it cums to typing it out.. heh! so here am i typing the most stupidiest things like, "I am..." or "What?.. Who?.. When...?" haha, its okay i guess.. sumtimes it feels damn good not to be able to hurl invectives at this blog page.. cos one of the big noses might happen to have a look at my beautiful letters and think that i spit out venom.. duhh.

i realised that sum pple reali act like one big motherfcuker, trying to show off, but making even a bigger ass of themselves! i would have been the one feeding into all this crap if i was still hanging out with that type of trash, but im not.. im hanging out with pple that have taught me the right way to do in life! yeagh i may have said a few things here, but everything ive said was the truth or MY feelings on what is going on.. if that makes a big threat for you, well then it seems like the truth is starting to hurt you.. you cant seem to handle FACTS in the first place, and you call that mature? WTF!

stop bitching about me in ur blog lar ehh, FACE ME! ignorance is not the right way to settle problems, thats not my style! i admit to have too much flaws, but what makes you think that this makes YOU any better than me huh? thats soo fcuking narrow man!! duncha try to rub ur future in my face like as if i cant achieve the same things, IF NOT BETTER.. bet on it!~

Moral Of The Day: NEVER underestimate my capabilities.

Bazaar Geylang

2008-09-10T23:00:00.008+09:00

Current Mood: [content]

the buka puasa at geylang serai turned out well according to my plans.. i didnt bought any idiots along on that day so of cos noone's gonna spoil my plan lar.. heh! things arent perfect, but its amazing what great pple can do for my spirits.. *smiles*

so while waiting for ayu, wan and faizal to arrive, we booked a restaurant first at di-tanjong katong cafe. it was reali a bad idea, and the worst part of all, the service dere was very very poor! it wasnt worth ur buckeroos at all to "donate" 10 DOLLARS to them for their unfriendly inefficiency WORST SERVICE! and the price for their food was quite expensive, so obviously i expect the food to be abit more "high class" but unfortunately, ITS TASTELESS!! our first time here and sure to be the last!

kecohrable gang i must say.. especially with the presence of our joker around, wan! ader jer benda yg dier nak buat klaka.. haha kewlshit! well anyway, the bazaar at geylang serai had never been any better.. it was totally a bore to look at the same things for almost a few years already.. balik2 yg aku nmpk baju kebaya glitter2.. fuuhh.. sakit sungguh mata gue sihh!~

Label Bestfriends

2008-09-05T20:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [content]

the biggest thing ive learnt in this world is that i really dont know a lot.. things i thot were set in stone, have faded so quickly that its hard to imagine them ever being a part of my life anymore. ive learnt that the word "best friend" is really jus a label that we give to the person who we currently feel the closest connection with.. and these labels can change like the weather.. pple who you thot were there for life, can suddenly hurt you more than you could have ever imagined.

ive learnt that there are more impt things in life, than those kind of friendships. ive learnt that i dont need pple in my life who dont value my friendship as much as i value theirs.. ive realized that i deserve better - i have no use for the useless. this is my life, noone else. i make my own path, be it right or wrong, it is MINE! let me do it my way, and dont judge me for that.. ur way, is not my way.. you need to learn that! now im done with everything, you've changed, so have i.. moving on, its over!~

Downtown East

2008-09-03T14:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [mellow]

sum pple are REAL FUNNY.. they cant accept it when we call them cowards so the last thing they do is to twist and turn back the whole story so that we look like a loser.. right ANIZA? first of all, what makes YOU think that i fall under the category of cyberspace nimrods? you talked like as if ur the OHH-SOO-GENIUS one but den again, without YOU realising it, you made urself fall under the same category too bcos you HAD JUS WRITTEN AN UNNECESSARY ENTRY ABOUT ME.. lolx!! kekek sia!

you wanna talked about losers?! i advised you beta take a good look at urself in the mirror! why only dare to talk about me behind the computer screens?! scared to face me or wad sia?? wakakaka.. jus for ur info ehh, im stating what i feel is right in my blog, AKU TKDE MASA NAK JILAT LUDAH AKU SENDIRIK. so if you think that im gonna moan over this matter, i ges you beta save those words to urself! i have waaay too much things to bother rather than to entertain nonsensical jerks like you!

so anyway, here's the pics for last friday outing..

and due to the super suay day, we were left with four pple at downtown east - me, my boyfriend, shahril, and of cos, our sexy mama gala aishwarya rai.. haha! nevertheless, i still have lots of fun with my loved ones. after accompanying shahidah for her prayers, we proceed to gelare to have sum satisfying delicious ice creams and waffles.. well, i may not be pious towards my religion, but i wont let other pple be disgraceful in performing their task to god if its reali a need for them to do so.. unlike sum selfish idiots in this world, i believed that being fair is justice, so what goes around cums around.. till then!~

Fcuking Pissed

2008-09-01T06:00:00.002+09:00

Current Mood: [pissed]

sum pple are jus being PLAIN COWARDS! they are simply afraid that we bashed them up in their blogs so the last thing they do is to privatized it.. *shakes head* its reali sad that they are being such hypocrites till the whole world dunch even know how bad their ass are! i thot YOU say that our opinions dunch matter so why the hell must you privatized ur blog? i dunch feel the need for you to do so, well unless ur reali a coward like ur tweetybird BESTFRIEND, then yeaghh.. SAD THING! as fer me, i believed in expressing my feelings out openly, even if its the whole world that is reading my blog right now, i dunch give a fcuking shiit!

ten years of our friendship, and this is how you repay me? awesome! all this while i had been patient, VERY patient with what you did to me all along. yes, i AM hot tempered, but atleast i still respect YOU as a friend. and the word RESPECT in my dictionary means by reali treating YOU like a friend NOT like sum fcuking stranger that dunch exist! how lame can you be by giving me an excuse that ur SLEEPY? heh, name jer BUDAK POLY TAPY ALASAN TKDE YG LEBIH BAIK PER SIAK! i purposely planned this outing SPECIALLY FOR UR BIRTHDAE and yet, what i get from you is unnecessary shoutings? COOL! so now whats up with ur anger? you wanna blame us for keeping you waiting at the bustop for soo long? now firstly, tell me WHY must you wait at the bustop instead of following? IF ITS A GROUP OUTING, HAVE SUM COURTESY TO TREAT IT LIKE A GROUP FCUKER! and secondly, DO YOU think that we are enjoying ourselves rotting at temasek poly for no valid reasons? KALAU KAU DAH TAK SMAYANG ITU KAU PEH PASAL, TAPY KAU NAK TANGGUNG DOSA ORG LAIN SKALI PER SIAL? otak kau letak kat bontot peh! well, let me repeat this again incase you dunch understand, SELFISH PPLE LIKE YOU ARE SOOO NOT NEEDED IN THIS WORLD BCOS ALL YOU WILL PROVIDE IS SHIIT AND NUTHING ELSE!~

Moi Sweetharts

2008-08-29T22:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [naughty]

im having a terrible headache right now, and having to take a one week leave from work jus to enjoy myself doesnt seemed to work at all, i was stuck at home due to the non-stop rainy daes.. so right now, all im left with is blogging.. haishh.. well anyway, jus for info, my boyfriend had jus create a cute blog for himself.. haha! go search him in my linkies!

well maybe yall might be wondering, "ini couple sehati sejiwa kappe.." keje sama bumbung, blog pun sesama.. haha! but seriusly, eventhou he knows my blog url, he NEVER read my entries.. firstly bcos i rarely write any mushy2 stuffs about us in my blog.. and secondly bcos i know the fact that he WONT understand my english.. LOL! well sumtimes, perhaps most of the times, it can be reali2 irritating for us to communicate.. cos i will be talking A and he will be replying Z.. yeagh, thats how belotic my boyfriend is.. haha! but then again, its his stupid actions that simply brightens up my day all the time.. hee!~

Appreciate Frenz

2008-08-25T07:00:00.003+09:00

Current Mood: [ponder]

sum pple are jus being too sensitif, whats the use of having a tagboard then if i cant even voice out my own opinion? different pple view friendship in different angles.. so why you wanna make a big fuss? well yes, i TOTALLY disagree if pple say that sum mates dunch appreciate friendship.. sumhow i find that the sentence structure is wrong.. maybe if they were to say that pple dunch value them as a friend, maybe then i would agree. well, for sum reasons, sum pple jus DONT DESERVE to be valued by anyone! so before yall start to point fingers, i ges you better take a look at urself first.. how good are YOU as a friend?

pple change, life change, its a reality you have to accept.. sum pple loose their close mates bcos of their own actions, but yet, they blame friends and family for not caring enuf.. maybe if they had a look in the mirror and realised that friendships are reciprocal, where it takes energy from both sides of the fence for sumthing like that to happen, then they'd start changing.. or maybe they shud realise that sum pple arent as nice as they first thot.. well either way, its shit, but it still make sense!~

King Control

2008-08-22T21:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood:[rambles]

seriusli i jus feel soo aggravated with all my friends whu followed watava shit their boyfriend asked them to do without even thinking about themselves! LISTEN EHH, ur boyfriend have NO RIGHTS at all to control every single part of ur life! use common sense, think about urself!! jgn sikit2 nak pasrah! yes, i agree that men DO owe our respect but that does not mean that you shud follow everything they say down to the drain man! NOONE can say what is right for you! if you get the urge to smoke a few blunts or spent ur time sewing bags then why the fcuk not?? GO FOR IT! DO IT! SUMONE IN THIS FCUKED UP WORLD HAVE TO BE THEMSELVES! if you wanna go out with ur friends for a holidae then have a good fcuking time! dunch let sum idiots tell you no! the only hold back you shud have in reality is COMMON SENSE and ur CONSCIENCE and if you dunch have that then fcuk it! dere are hundreds and thousands of pple in this world.. so why do you matter? its all up to YOU aite!~

Scorpio Gurl

2008-08-18T15:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [gloomy]

...and this is soo undeniably fcukingly true to the max!! =D

i guess those who are close to me and reali knows me very well will agree to this.. especially the part that says, "really hide her feelings".. yeagh, maybe thats the reason why im abit hypocrite when it comes to blogging.. emotional here and dere, but in reality, im sucha happy go lucky gurl.. every part of me is already tainted with plastic i guess.. hmm, until next time!~

Movie X-files

2008-08-15T10:00:00.006+09:00

Current Mood: [okay]

had an outing with my two beloved to the cathay cineleisure last monday to watch the movie X-files.. free tickets were provided by my big sista, ayu.. thou the movie wasnt the kind that i lurve, but it didnt turned out as bad as i thot.

the only disgraceful thing that happened was my boyfriend's attitude.. we were quarelling over some stupid matter and believe it or not, i actuali slapped his face in the middle of the crowd. yeagh i know that was vicious, but his act of throwing childish tantrums over trivial matters reali make me pissed off. you know what boyfriend? maybe you shud LEARN to stop jumping on my ass the moment i voice out an opinion.. or else, things will never get better between us.. aites!~

Shitty Life

2008-08-13T02:00:00.009+09:00

Current Mood: [drained]

i havent been posting shit about my fucked up life that wouldnt suck so hard if i didnt think so much bcos ive been finding pple to pour my soul out to.. but today real pple finally arent enough anymore. talking to my bestie and rambling to everyone who ask is beginning to stab me in the back.. i feel too whiney, too pathetic. you can only play the "im a poor little girl" card so often before pple start to hate you.. im not dere yet, but i dread the day that it might cum around.

the pple that i want to be close to simply dunch have time for me.. its a fact that ive been living with and am slowing learning to except it.. well, its not like you can force pple to love you right. and on the flip side, the pple who want to be close with me are ASSHOLES.. cheers!

i have four more chapters in accounting to finish up before i'll be alive again. right now, i cant sleep, i cant think properly, i cant do anything.. my job makes me hate my life soo much! and no, i didnt spell check or proof read or think in anyway about what i jus wrote.. i jus dunch care. i dunch care at all, about anything.. im jus gonna finish up my shit rambles and gonna fcuk my bed.. heh, chiao!~
(P/s: gmbr sungguh tak perlu langsung.. hoho)

Home Project

2008-08-11T12:00:00.010+09:00

Current Mood: [silly]

the librari wasnt an efficient place for us to do our project work, thus we made up our mind to finish up the project at my house instead.. and right after we were done with those shit, start ahh kiter joli2 mcm monyet terlepas. camwhoring for like dunno-how-many-zillion of pictures already, but i only managed to collage a few bcos of my limited time space.. chey2!

well truthfully speaking, i dunno why i took up a private school when in the first place, i barely have any interest to study anymore.. but then again, having to know crazy pple like them apparently makes the boring school life turned interesting!~

Love Neoprint

2008-08-08T07:00:00.012+09:00

Current Mood: [calm]

(tuning to: Daniel Bedingfield, If You're Not the One lyrics)
if ure not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? if ure not the one then why does my hand fit urs this way? i dont wana run away but i cant take it, i dont understand, if im not made for you then why does my heart tell me dat i am.. *cont* well, ive had this song in my blog a few months back, but im putting it here again cos its my all time favourite yeagh!~

About Friendship

2008-08-04T14:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [thoughtful]

well sumtimes i think that i jus have too high expectations of what my friends should be in terms of their characterwise, i am infact, really2 choosy when it cums to making friends.. yes, i am NOT friendly, neither am i a stuckup person, watava that YOU think about me may be untrue.. i am jus being too perfectionist sumtimes.. but then again, i know that no one is perfect.. and these imperfections can usually lead to certain impacts in ur life, either a success or a failure. i have learned ALOOT about pple this year - betrayal, trust, tolerability, and good and bad influences. and i believe that..

YOU ARE WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE!
*be careful who ur friends are!
keep ur friends close and ur enemies closer, know who to trust and who to deal with or tolerate.. if the pple you are friends with are assholes, or immoral, than you most likely are too! well in my case, i have found a few pple, who i can consider to be my true friends.. it is my absolute trust in them that makes me believe that sumhow, sumwhere, there are still a few pple in this world whu will still be sincere in making friends with you, despite how funny you dressed up or how ugly you look like.. aite, cheers!~

Celebrate Anniv

2008-07-25T19:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [flirty]

a short outing with mah baby to celebrate our first anniversary on last wednesday.. actuali its jus the same like those normal outings we had before.. the only difference was, he bought flowers for me and i bought a gift card for him.. special ah okay! *aherm* and ouhh well, did i jus mention flowers?!? haha!

by now, i ges all my mates shud know that i reali reali dislike flowers!! i jus dunch find it practical in any ways at all.. hahah! but due to appreciation, i jus accept that one pathetic flower with all my heart (mcm pahaam) but before i went home, i actuali threw that flower into the bin.. looolx! i must be extremely bad for doing that, but i dunch wan it to "contaminate" my room either.. hehe sorie baby.. jus so you know, even without that flower, i still love you ok! haha.. muahh many2!~

1yr Anniversary

2008-07-23T00:00:00.002+09:00

Current Mood: [blessed]

true, not long ago, we were jus a few months old, going on strong and weak, at certain points.. there were good times, and undoubtedly, times where things gone really weak for us. thru the months, we have overcome quite alot of ordeals, but also had a thousand times more good moments than quibbles, and its these little things which makes it all worthwhile. today, our one year arrives, after a milestone of making this going on strong, sure its a lie if i were to say that i have no feelings for ya.

CELEBRATING THE OPENING OF OUR ONE-YR ANNIVERSARY

eventhou you dunch really have the qualities of my perfect man, but im still learning to accept ur imperfections. i know, im soo much worst off than you.. playing behind ur back, throwing my tantrums around - i REALLY make such a bad ass girlfriend. but despite all that, not even once you give up on me, and of cos, its ur patience that keep us strong until today. so here we are.. approaching our first year anniversary.. thank you for loving me, thank you for loving me jus the way i am!~

July Babies

2008-07-21T15:00:00.000+09:00

Current Mood: [jubilant]

i wanna wish a happy big 18th birthday to one of my crazy gundus, hanafi.. (his not in any of the pics below) well, too much of the july babies this month till i cant quite rmbr all the birthday dates of my friends except for sum below.

to shahril, luqman, shazlyn and izza.. happy belated/advance bdae to yall! hopefully the cuming tomorrows will be granted with much more happiness for all of ya.. and to those whu ive forgotten, hope you wont take it to heart yeagh.. to mr hanafi and noraniza, will be celebrating ur belated bdae soo soon okay? *winks* until next time everyone!~